Gentlemen, Listen Up

“And oh yeah, for all the fellas tuning in, she does skin care for men too. Don't sleep; we got to preserve our sexy too”.

I will take that as an official endorsement of my services and address my gentlemen. As you may know, I am obsessed with great skin and I am planning to take over the world, one, glowing face at a time. I especially have a soft spot in my heart for helping MEN pull it all together in this area. I think I’ve actually found my niche. Please feel free to share the following and pass my info on to those in need of my services.

Gentlemen, gorgeous glowing skin is not just for women and metrosexuls. This is a silly notion and anyone who subscribes to this philosophy is simply not ready and should immediately exit this post….I’ll wait…....................................

For those that remain, it would behoove you to pay attention to the following and because I like you, this one's on me.

1. Every gentleman should own and use a daily skin care regiment. I am not talking about washing your face with the same soap that you wash your body with in the shower or simply splashing your face with water in the morning and I am certainly not talking about cleaning your face with alcohol or any other harsh drying agents. Yes I have seen and heard of this alcohol cleansing ritual more times than I care to admit. Please stop it!

By REGIMENT I mean a daily skin care routine to cleanse, tone and moisturize the outermost layer (epidermis) of your skin. Please note that it is important to use skin care products developed for your skin type. I will help you to identify your skin type.

Cleansing does just that, it cleanses the dirt, oil, and other pollutants from the face. Toning will remove any remaining soap or dirt and will also help to tighten the skin on the face. Lastly, moisturizing will keep a healthy moisture balance on the skin to maintain its natural glow, improve texture and overall good health of the skin. Using a moisturizer with an appropriate level of SPF will protect the skin from UVA/B rays, the leading cause of premature aging and skin cancer. This is non negotiable.

Once you have identified (again I will help) and purchased the proper products you should follow these steps:

Cleansing

• Use your chosen cleaning agent with water to work up a lather on your face and neck. Some cleansers will get "soapier" than others. Do not be alarmed, the important thing here is that you are using what is best for your skin type. While cleaning your skin AVOID the skin around your eyes. Why you may ask? Aside from the obvious painful reasons, the fact is that the skin around the eyes is much thinner and more delicate than that of the rest of your face. As such, it tends to be dry in that area, and AGES (read: wrinkles, lines, and crows feet) faster than the rest of the face. Feel free to gently clean the sleep, cobwebs and eye buggars out with a warm, soap free cloth before or after you cleanse the face. Yeah I know how you look in the morning.

To fight the pull of gravity, wash your face and neck area (that sag prone jaw line) in upward/outward strokes and rinse in the same manner. Trust me, over time it does make a difference. Keep it tight!

Products I like:




Once you are finished rinsing the face, pat with a clean towel. There is no need to completely dry your face because you are not done.

Toning

• Next, take your toner of choice (again depending on your skin type) and apply some to a 100% cotton ball. Please purchase your own and don't use up your lady's. I know how you are. Once you have applied the toner to the cotton ball, use upward strokes to remove any remaining dirt, oil and soap residue. You see all that "dirt" still (if not, good job) on your skin? That's remaining dirt, oil and soap residue. Please take care to make sure that your face is clean before proceeding.

Product I like:


Moisturizing
• Finally, rub a dime size amount of moisturizer between your hands and apply all over the face and neck in upward stokes. Let's fight gravity and "saggy skin" by any means necessary gentlemen. At this time it is okay to moisturize around the eyes but please proceed gently, no tugging or pulling on the skin around your eyes. It is best to use the "ring" finger of either hand to pat whenever you are handling the delicate area around your eyes. We will focus more on the eye area in a minute.

Product I like:


2. In addition to the daily cleaning routine, included in every gentleman's skin care routine should be an exfoliation method of choice and eye cream. I can hear the protests already, but please hear me out.

Over time the top (epidermal) layer of the skin gets rough, dry and flaky, especially during the harsh winter months. Dead skin cells on this top layer can actually prevent your skin from reaping the full benefits of what you do in the steps above. So gentlemen, we are going to exfoliate your skin with an exfoliation method of choice two or three times a week. You can do this exfoliation process at night, complete your normal cleaning routine (above), go to sleep and wake up to a soft touchable face that will rival any baby's behind.

When exfoliating, please take care to scrub (not too rough) in upward/outward strokes, avoid the delicate eye area and rinse off in the same manner. You may have to rinse and repeat the rinse before you get all of it off. Exfoliating the skin reveals fresh, younger looking skin. See, it’s not just for girls.

Products I like:




3. Eye cream is key to preserving your sexy gentlemen. Until now, I have not known a man personally or professionally that does not have an issue with using eye cream. I usually would not even mention it, but I believe that you gentlemen are ready. As stated above, the skin around the eyes is special and should be regarded as such. You need extra moisture to prolong cracking, wrinkling, and crow’s feet around the eyes. When we look into those dreamy eyes gentlemen, we want to see the twinkle in them, not the wrinkles around them. Please employ the ring finger tap application method for this special area. The last thing you want to do is tug at or be too rough with the skin in this area as that can lead to premature aging. You will age, just don’t do it before your time.

Products I like:




More words of wisdom:

1. Consistency is key. It’s been said that it takes three weeks to form a habit. Give it at least a month, stay committed and you will certainly reap the benefits. Once you get it down, your daily routine should not be more than 5 minutes.
2. It is recommended that you follow your skin care routine twice a day, but if this is too much for you in the beginning, please promise me that you will cleanse, tone, and moisturize at night before going to bed. Don’t take all the smog, dirt, grime and pollution on your face to bed with you. If you do, at least have enough decency to not be all in your lady’s face that night. More than likely, she took care of her skin before she went to bed.
3. Eye cream can be used morning and night. Don't be ashamed to use it.
4. The moisturizer that you use during the day MUST contain an SPF (Sun Protection Factor) of 15 or higher. Unless you are a serious outdoors man (read: Lance Armstrong, outdoors biker), or planning to be outdoors for a prolonged amount of time, there is no need to go higher than an SPF 25.
5. Don’t over use products. It’s not going to make them work any better or faster in terms of results, but it will go faster in terms of that wallet.
6. Because you have oily skin does not mean you should find ways to dry it out. Using drying products (rubbing alcohol anyone?) will cause the sebaceous glands of the skin to work overtime and produce even more oil! Also, oily skin tends to age slower (how nice) and there is a difference between oiliness and a healthy glow.
7. Don't be afraid to experiment with different products until you find ones for your skin type that you like. And even after that, it's okay to switch things up once in a while to keep your skin guessing. I have Clinique Skin Supplies for Men up here is because they are tried and true but there is a ton of stuff out there. I will help you sort it out.
8. When in doubt, ask the expert. The doctor is in and I make house calls. You know how to reach me.

Other grooming tips for gentlemen:

1. Do explore after shower body sprays, colognes and such that compliment your unique body chemistry. Axe and Bod is not for everyone.
2. Do trim the hair under your arms. You don’t have to rock a baldy like us ladies but there is really nothing attractive about a man in a tank (read: wife beater) with a jungle protruding from under his arms.
3. Do trim the hair you know where, too. I’m not going to get graphic in case your children are reading this behind your back.
4. Do allow your lady to hook you up down there. Most of us would not mind for many reasons. It’s a labor of love, TRUST ME!
5. Do take a bath instead of a shower every now and then to pamper the rest of your body. There's nothing wrong with a man with soft skin all over.
6. Don’t obsess with aging. The fact is that you will age and look older (no wolf tickets being sold here) BUT
7. Do grow older gracefully by preserving your sexy.

More tips on the way…..Stay Fine Gentlemen

Gem

I Love....

1. A man with full juicy lips that knows how to use them.
2. Fresh strawberries dipped in sugar free chocolate pudding, so decadent yet low in calories!
3. My big bodacious Afro and the stares that I receive when I rock it..people are so funny.
4. Exfoliating, I just love the the look and feel of soft, glowing skin, head to toe..
5. Makeup-and I am not afraid to use it! But I love gorgeous bare skin even more!
6. The idea of being in love..Yes I am finally ready to admit it (that wasn't so bad)
7. K.I.S.S.I.N.G. I used to think that I didn't because my ex didn't but I love to kiss! Especially a man with full juicy lips...
8. To hear the voices of my little nieces and nephews back in Ghana. They speak such proper English with the cutest accent. "I love you Uhntie Gem", they say
9. My eyebrows...even when they are bushy, wild and "need waxing"..
10. A man that is not afraid to wear color.
11. Clothing, jewelry, etc inspired by certain African cultures, but I hate being labeled "Afrocentric". What will they call me when I step on the scene the next day rocking bone straight hair and Tiffany jewelry?
12. Learning and academia but I HATE homework/busy work..just give me a project please. I am working on this...but procrastination is a disease and I need a cure!!
13. The idea of moving out of suburban Pretty Girl county and into a more city atmosphere...or just somewhere different..I've got to go!!!
14. My body, flaws and all....

Tapping into my creativity to become financially independent

I recently had the great fortune of traveling to the Continent of Africa, specifically the countries of Ghana and South Africa. My experience was phenomenal and while I was there, especially in Ghana, I had something of an epiphany.

Poverty or lack breeds and fosters creativity.

Don't believe me?

Exhibit A

Handmade tapestry from South Africa, this piece alone took 4 months to make and was done by one woman. These women generally live in Townships and this is their sole source of income.




Handmade Jewelry



Need I say more?

It is absolutely incredible the beauty and brilliance of the mind as evidenced in the thousands, upon thousands of artwork, carpentry, woodwork, services, and skills, found in Africa. What "brought it home" for me though is that the common denominator of the people that are producing most of these things are among the poorest of their respective populations. These brothers and sisters do not have cozy jobs that they MARC/Metro into or drive in to work at each day. Instead, they are making their own way. Unfortunately for most, it's a forced entrepreneurship in that this is the only means to getting food on the table and a roof over their head, and I use the word "roof" very loosely here...

From talking to locals, I discovered that employment by others is a rare opportunity in both of these countries, especially in Ghana, so it's basically every man, woman, and child for himself. This is interesting and it would be easy for one to look at the negativity in this fact. But that won't fly in this blog.

I believe that there is something, actually several things that can be learned from this.

1. All human beings have the mental capacity to create a self sufficient way of life.

The capacity is there, it's just suppressed in most of us because we have too many other opportunities presented to us that don't challenge us to think and create outside of the box. We get comfortable and complacent with simply working within the parameters/confides of someone else's creativity.

2. Our personal values will be fulfilled through self sufficiency.

I know that this is a pretty strong statement, but I am theorizing this based on what I gleaned from observing and talking to people in these countries. In Ghana, and probably in many developing (BTW, I abhor the term "third world country") countries, maintaining the family unit is the bottom line. People hold their familial ties very closely and the extended family concept is widely accepted and embraced. As a matter of fact, it's often very difficult to distinguish between blood relatives and "friends of the family". With that said, what better way to be able to make your family responsibilities your number one priority and be able to respond to your family's needs accordingly, than to be a business owner? I mean is that not one of the number one reasons why people here in the states go into business for themselves? We want to make our own hours and be our own boss with the belief that this will allow the flexibility required to respond to the most important things in our life. I don't believe that this is in the forefront of the minds of the entrepreneurs that I am referring to in Ghana or South Africa, because most of them don't really have another apparent option. But it's interesting to me that being an entrepreneur does allow them to uphold their familial values, is it not? Or is this value a bi product of the situation? That's up for debate, but it's worth pointing out nonetheless.

3. Being thrust into the "right" situation, human beings will tap into their entrepreneurial ability.

Yeah I know, I'm reaching with this one...but please allow me to elaborate.

Here in the US most of us (I'm talking about X, Y generations, especially) are taught to go to school, get a degree, get a job and bring home a check..albeit signed by someone else. So from childhood, we begin to neglect the idea of working for ourselves (with exceptions of course). Slowly but surely, that creative brilliance within us begins to fade and as we climb the corporate ladder, begin acquiring some "things" and getting comfortable with our lifestyles, that creative side sort of just checks out. We get downright lazy with OURSELVES. Oh but let us lose our job and our mind gets busy with a plan to get back on top. Unfortunately that plan usually includes getting another job, or getting a second job if our issue is that the first one is not enough to make ends meet. Thus, the cycle continues.

I will use myself as an example. Several years ago, I was three years into home ownership and things were getting tight for me. I made less money than I do in my current job, so I got a part-time job. I had actually held two jobs for a while before and up until the time I purchased my home. But once I moved in and got settled, I quit the second job and decided to go back to school. Now I had a tuition bill to pay along with the mortgage and other bills. Desiring to be debt free, I refused to take a loan; so I got another second job as a makeup consultant with Clinique Cosmetics at Macy's. I fell in love with doing make-up and I was brilliant at it! I had never been one to wear a lot of make-up but I grew up learning the importance of skin care so I already had a passion for that. I was drawn to Clinique because they emphasized skin care, and working in a department store allowed me to get exposure to Lancome, Chanel, Estee Lauder, and other make up brands. I developed a good client base and was hired on several occasions to do weddings, proms, and other events on the side. My years of working with the designer Betsey Johnson also taught me some styling tips that I was able to share with some clients and earn their trust in that regard as well. So here I was, thrust into this great opportunity and not even realizing or taking full advantage of it. All I could focus on was that I needed the money just to get by for a minute until I got a better paying full time gig, which I did and then I would quit, which I did; shortly after starting at my current job. BUT what if I had kept that side hustle and worked it on my terms? Where would it have taken me? Would I be totally self sufficient financially by now? Now I understand that being a make up artist to the stars, or a fashion stylist is a lofty dream that many have and don't achieve...but so what? I am good at this...for real. I actually did the make up for one of my new co worker's wedding. I even have photos that I just found in my email today, which along with a conversation with a friend, inspired me to blog this.

Getting ready at the house

That is actually makeup and not ashiness on the back of my hand, thank you!

Touching up at the church before photos


I have a passion for skin care and make-up and people have even told me that this is my "calling". I don't necessarily wear a flawless face of make up each day or even obsess over having my eyebrows perfectly waxed and plucked at all times because well...it's just not that serious to me. But I try to maintain impeccable skin and I have gotten several people I know on good skin care regiments. I have also been known to do a bathroom make over on female colleagues going to the club or impromptu dates..LOL...because at one point (when I was honing my craft) I almost always carried a small make up kit with me.

I am saying all that to say...where would I be if had continued along this path? I have some other ideas that when I analyze them, all relate to this past experience, heck I even took classes and got a darn make up license...for what? Just to say I have it?

So back to my original thesis if you will, that poverty or lack fosters creativity. When I was in need, I tapped into some of my creativity and it paid off well for me. As soon as I began doing well, I got lazy and I let it go! Period. Should it really take extremes for us to dig deeper and try harder to develop the skills that we have and make them work for us? What is the difference between us (the diaspora in the states) and our brothers and sisters on the continent? In my opinion, it's the opportunity created for us by others. This is a luxury that to me, should purley be regarded as such. We should see the necessity in getting it for us by us. I am not implying that I want to become poor just to get my creative juices flowing (although I have wondered where I would be if I had grown up in Ghana) and I am not at all "looking in the mouth of the gift horse" of opportunity that we enjoy here in the states. But I am proposing and for myself, I am purposing to master my destiny, utilizing the resources that are available to me and the potential that is inside of me. I have my ideas and I have already begun to move forward to making some things happen.

Frankly, my current employer will never pay me enough to become wealthy let alone build an inheritance for my children or provide for my extended family and generations to come, NEVER! There is always a cap and once you reach that ceiling, that's it. You can float there or fly out the door.

I am challenging myself to develop and foster my own creativity and translate it into wealth, in spite of the abundance that I am blessed to enjoy.

What about you?

A Historic Visit?

I read the following article while I was visiting my family in Ghana. It perturbed me to no end. Read it and you might understand why. Why are Africans and people of that diaspora always looking outside ourselves for validation? Especially a lowlife scum like GDUb. Colonization was a bitch I know but I sometimes wonder if our own perception of ourselves don't contribute to our inability to climb out of the belly of oppression...

Ghana Article

Expensive a$$ Shoes!!

Are these worth $595.00?

You Know, Who the Heck am I Kidding, I want to Kiss You-A Poem

Yeah I want us to be friends but sometimes I question my own intentions.
One moment I want to see you and be near you, the next I need a healthy distance.

When I see you; oh the chemistry, and sparks flying all over the place; that face, that smile....those lips make me want to draw you in...but I can't...then your arms embrace me and I wish I could just stand on my toes and steal a little kiss....okay maybe a big, long, wet, juicy, tongue kiss. I sometimes even hope that it happens by accident (oops, did I say that?)..you know how much I love your kisses and how my lips react to the softness of yours. You know how much I adore your "grown man" hug but when you do that I imagine my hands going up that chest...caressing your handsome face..into those gorgeous....and then we lip lock...

Okay, see I really need to stop....!

You know I come up with clever reasons to see you, to steal a few moments of your time.
You see how I avoid looking straight into your eyes, fearing what you might find in mine....
You know me...you act like you don't but you see right through me...with those soft brown eyes....

Okay now back to those lips and that sexy curl up into a dimpled smile thing that you do with them only makes me miss...yeah you guessed it...your kiss...Boy you aint right and you really need to stop this, cause I know you do it on purpose too. I got butterflies in my tummy right now just writing this poem about you....umph, umph, umph...

Then I go away and in my mind I press rewind to replay every word of every line of everything that you said to me...even though you never really say too much, you just stare at me and smile a lot and make me feel all nervous inside...so then I leave wondering if I said too much...but I love how you listen so intently, like you really have an interest in me and what I have to say...I love that so much

yeah this is all way too much....

I am done kidding myself, plus I already know you aint a fool....so now that I've figured out step one (no more denial) I need to work on step two.

The L BOMB!

When is it too soon to tell someone that you L.O.V.E. them?

How do you know when you actually love someone?

I think that most people, dare I say, especially men, feel like there is some sort of timeline that must be followed when deciding that you love someone and venturing further to actually dropping the "L BOMB" on them. BUT WHY??? I have never understood this...but it seems to be a commonly accepted practice that folks wait a year or six months to tell someone that they "L BOMB" them, even when the bomb begins burning within their heart at two months and is ready to explode at three. Or how about this one, no one wants to be the FIRST one to say the L word. Are people still being this junior high school about their feelings? I guess I can understand the fear of unrequited love or rejection...but still dang....

To me, love is an action word and is best expressed as such, but what if your actions don't speak loudly enough? Can I just go, "you know what peeps, I love you" without breaking some sort of rule (of course I am referring to dating here)? And even within the contex of committed relationships, why do folks reserve the use of the L Word? Some claim it takes the "pizzazz" out of it (the L Bomb) when overly used, so instead they hord it and dangle it over their partners head like some kind of reward for good behavior, a treat for special occasions or for comfort in times of distress...I know that folks would argue that it's some people's "personality" or some are less "emotional" than others, blah, blah bliggity, blah........

When you are just dating, maybe have not even made it "official" yet or things never progress to the "we got titles" stage but you wake up one day and realize, "dang, I LOVES me some such and such, with his/her fine self"...what the heck do you do?

Also, if you were in a relationship with one person and then moved on with someone new a short time after yall's split, is it impossible to honestly love the new peeps? Does he/she have to be a rebound person rather than the real deal? I just need a little help on this one...

My question is three (okay four) fold:

Is it ever too soon to tell someone that you love them?
What if you are not actaully in a relationship with them?
How do you really know that you love them?
What is the best way to go about expressing your feelings?

This is a "special" question:

What if you love someone and are cool with the fact that you will probably never be in a relationship with them, but you still love them and want to see them happy, healthy, succsesful etc...desire to do things to make them feel special, not in hopes of getting anything in return, but just because you really just love thier tail and you know that you don't just love them as a friend, even though yall are just friends and that's totally cool but you still love them a little more than just as a friend?

LOL!!

PGem