My weekend was off the hook! I can't really put my finger on it but I am just in a wonderful mood to have fun, laugh and live everyday to the fullest...
So Friday I was supposed to go to B-More with Bunz for a private party, but a man got in the way of our plans (on her end) so that was cancelled. Cool, because I was kind of tired from working all day and tutoring my ex's son all evening. I took the opportunity to just "veg out", relax, and watch mindless TV for what is was worth, especially since I am usually catching up on homework on the weekend. Thank God school is over for a few weeks!
On Saturday I went to FLOC and worked with "Nina Simone" again. I had her eating out of the palm of my hand this time. We had a great, highly productive session and the love note that was written to me on the board read: "I am happy that you are here. I love you." I really admire the resilience of children. She did not once mention "Ms. Jasmin" and I was showered with more hugs and kisses.
I did a little shopping. I really don't actually buy clothes that often so I picked up a few accessories and got my camera fixed (for free!!) at Circuit City. I was so happy that I did not have to come out the pocket for a new one. The way that went down was such a blessing!
Sunday, we went to see IRON MAN, loved it!!! It was so good and I know two things:
1. Audi, Verizon cellular, Burger King, and Bentley are about to get paid off the not so subliminal advertising in that movie.
2. We really need to pray for our troops as well as the innocent civilians in places like Afghanistan and Iraq, cause when powerful weapons get in the wrong hands it can mean a lot of innocent lives.
Sunday was also Bunz's birthday so of course she wanted to celebrate. So she and I and some friends from Baltimore along with two other girls and some gentlemen, when to K Street lounge. Off the hook!! The crowd was hype for a Sunday night and such a small a$$ club but it was a good time. Bunz had fun and I laid off the alcohol because I already know that sleep deprivation and hangovers don't mix. Red Bull anyone?
Going out this time really made me realize why I am more of the “bunned up” relationship type instead of a serial dater. There is no worse turn off than to have the same guy try to talk to you and every other lady in your entourage. YUCK! I am so done with the D.C. dating scene, not that I’ve ever really even started, but still. I’d much rather be at home or out with my special little something…
Yeah I missed my baby and I kept thinking that the last time I went to the club and really let loose was with him ...sigh…
Oh well. A new week is upon me and the Caribbean is three days away!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
On my grind and forbidden fruit
I have not been journaling all week and honestly, I’ve missed it. But after a week of being a “slave” to the straight hair, I’m back in the gym in the evenings…hard! I went to the grocery store, stocked up on my “essentials for getting it tight” items and I’ve been doing pretty well all week. The fact that I’m heading to the Caribbean next week doesn’t hurt the motivation factor either. Why do we (women) do that? I am generally in good shape but man when it’s time to go somewhere or be seen, I puts in overtime. LOL! I am just glad that I'm not as obsessed with being a perfect size 2 as I was this time last year. I would work out twice a day sometimes. I've actually worked out 3 different times in one day. I'm a monster...I'm happy with my body right now, I feel more womanly at a size 4-6. I am only 5'1" but at a size 2 I look a bit like a prepubescent boy and that's not hot. So now it's eating more good food, doing more strength training, doing a variety of cardio exercises and when I run, only running 2-3 miles instead of 4-6..LOL!
I am super excited about getting away (from the USA) again. I live for the vacay…another reason why I must become independently wealthy ASAP!
Operation “stop thinking about Alejandro so much” is pretty much a bust, oh this man, this man.... I guess I'll try harder next week. But how is a girl supposed to forget a man that says stuff like, "...there are many things that I would love to be able to say to you, do for you, and do to you, but now is not the time. Until then, you are an amazing woman".... What do you want to do to me baby? I hope it's the same stuff that you’ve been doing to me every night, in my dreams..(“in my imagination I be all up on you…touch my body…”) Okay that was very naughty and it shows my true colors that I would focus on that part but what can I say…that's just where I'm at right now. He is so fly and sexy and sweet with those soft full lips, that gorgeous smile, nice manly hands...but he’s just my "friend"...Oh the beautifulness of forbidden fruit...sigh
I am super excited about getting away (from the USA) again. I live for the vacay…another reason why I must become independently wealthy ASAP!
Operation “stop thinking about Alejandro so much” is pretty much a bust, oh this man, this man.... I guess I'll try harder next week. But how is a girl supposed to forget a man that says stuff like, "...there are many things that I would love to be able to say to you, do for you, and do to you, but now is not the time. Until then, you are an amazing woman".... What do you want to do to me baby? I hope it's the same stuff that you’ve been doing to me every night, in my dreams..(“in my imagination I be all up on you…touch my body…”) Okay that was very naughty and it shows my true colors that I would focus on that part but what can I say…that's just where I'm at right now. He is so fly and sexy and sweet with those soft full lips, that gorgeous smile, nice manly hands...but he’s just my "friend"...Oh the beautifulness of forbidden fruit...sigh
Sunday, May 11, 2008
When you're feeling blue with nothing to do...step into the party life
Saturday night I decided to step out into the DC night life. This is a rarity for me but I had already told my girl "Bunz" earlier in the week that I would chill with her when she came back from NYC and I'm just not the type to fake on anyone. Plus after I analyzed the alternatives, I decided that it would probably be good for me to get out. I actually thought we were just going to grab a bite and get in some much needed "girl talk", but with Bunz, you just never know.
First we hit up Sidelines (sports bar) at the BLVD at Capital Centre, it was cool. We grabbed drinks and the fellas kept them flowing. Later we connected with some friends of Bunz's and headed to H2O. I had actually never been to this club for a "club" night so I was kind of curious. I was pleasantly surprised. The gentlemen that we were with took very good care of us so that probably enhanced the experience.
There were some "famous" folks in the house that were apparently attached to the Kanye West tour which contributed to the off the hook crowd. I danced, drank my sprite and cranberry juice and made the best of the night in spite of the fact that "Alejandro" stayed on my mind the entire night! Darn him for owning my thoughts like that...LOL! (I am going to STOP thinking about him, I swear...starting Monday).
I met a few folks who for various reasons have already been deleted from my phone book! All I'll say is that I really don't care who you're with because I am not the least bit interested in being a groupie whore..
After it was all said and done, the gentlemen paid the tab and we went our separate ways. Bunz and I went out for some late night fare and I let the sun beat me home.
All in all, it was a good night in the party life..
First we hit up Sidelines (sports bar) at the BLVD at Capital Centre, it was cool. We grabbed drinks and the fellas kept them flowing. Later we connected with some friends of Bunz's and headed to H2O. I had actually never been to this club for a "club" night so I was kind of curious. I was pleasantly surprised. The gentlemen that we were with took very good care of us so that probably enhanced the experience.
There were some "famous" folks in the house that were apparently attached to the Kanye West tour which contributed to the off the hook crowd. I danced, drank my sprite and cranberry juice and made the best of the night in spite of the fact that "Alejandro" stayed on my mind the entire night! Darn him for owning my thoughts like that...LOL! (I am going to STOP thinking about him, I swear...starting Monday).
I met a few folks who for various reasons have already been deleted from my phone book! All I'll say is that I really don't care who you're with because I am not the least bit interested in being a groupie whore..
After it was all said and done, the gentlemen paid the tab and we went our separate ways. Bunz and I went out for some late night fare and I let the sun beat me home.
All in all, it was a good night in the party life..
F.L.O.C
I volunteer with an organization called For Love of Children in Adams Morgan (NW D.C). Due to work and personal obligations I have not been able to commit to the every Saturday morning schedule, but I've made myself available for emergency needs and they called me up on Thursday to come in. The young girl that I usually work with now attends the Tuesday night tutoring sessions so instead of her, I was introduced to a seven year old angel named "Nina-Simone" to tutor.
Nina Simone hated my guts from the moment she laid eyes on me. This was difficult for me because I have never met a child that just flat out did not like me! I was unsure of how I was going to overcome this barrier between Nina Simone and I so that we could proceed with the task at hand (me tutoring her). In any event, we'd managed to get into some work for a while when suddenly she jumped up, went to the dry erase board and began writing a love letter to her former tutor. It read: "Dear Ms. Jazmine, I love you and I miss you". So since we were there to tutor in reading , I asked her to read the ode to Ms. Jazmine aloud to me. Instead, Nina-Simone began sobbing uncontrollably. I was like, OMG! Nina cried and cried until she made me cry. I held her, attempted to validate her feelings and allow her the space she needed to grieve the loss of her beloved Ms. Jazmine. I felt like such an intruder.
Eventually, the crying ceased and she wanted to read her book that she'd selected. She turned her back to me and read for the rest of the session. When it was over she went upstairs to wait on her mom and I stayed downstairs to work on my lesson plan for next Saturday's tutoring session. What can I say? I am a sucker for children and after all, she needs the consistency of one tutor because she clearly does not deal with separation well.
Suddenly Nina Simone came back downstairs and handed me a note that read: "I love you, you love me, but I do not even know your name". LOL!! I told her my name and she asked me if she could give me a kiss. I happily obliged and Nina-Simone planted one on my cheek then went about her merry way. I guess it's safe to say that I made a new friend.
After that emotionally charged two hours, I headed to Tryst for some of my favorite Chamomile/Lavender tea to calm my darn nerves then headed home.
Nina Simone hated my guts from the moment she laid eyes on me. This was difficult for me because I have never met a child that just flat out did not like me! I was unsure of how I was going to overcome this barrier between Nina Simone and I so that we could proceed with the task at hand (me tutoring her). In any event, we'd managed to get into some work for a while when suddenly she jumped up, went to the dry erase board and began writing a love letter to her former tutor. It read: "Dear Ms. Jazmine, I love you and I miss you". So since we were there to tutor in reading , I asked her to read the ode to Ms. Jazmine aloud to me. Instead, Nina-Simone began sobbing uncontrollably. I was like, OMG! Nina cried and cried until she made me cry. I held her, attempted to validate her feelings and allow her the space she needed to grieve the loss of her beloved Ms. Jazmine. I felt like such an intruder.
Eventually, the crying ceased and she wanted to read her book that she'd selected. She turned her back to me and read for the rest of the session. When it was over she went upstairs to wait on her mom and I stayed downstairs to work on my lesson plan for next Saturday's tutoring session. What can I say? I am a sucker for children and after all, she needs the consistency of one tutor because she clearly does not deal with separation well.
Suddenly Nina Simone came back downstairs and handed me a note that read: "I love you, you love me, but I do not even know your name". LOL!! I told her my name and she asked me if she could give me a kiss. I happily obliged and Nina-Simone planted one on my cheek then went about her merry way. I guess it's safe to say that I made a new friend.
After that emotionally charged two hours, I headed to Tryst for some of my favorite Chamomile/Lavender tea to calm my darn nerves then headed home.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Soul of a Black Girl
Wow! Where do I begin? I am almost overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. Tired as heck but I have to get this off my chest...
Today I was forwarded some information from a wonderful friend about a screening happening at the E Street Cinema (downtown, 11th & E right across from ESPN Zone, H&M and the new ZARA!)called "The Souls of Black Girls" as part of the Black Docs 2008: "Through Their Eyes" film festival. Can I just say how happy I am that I was spontaneous and cancelled my hit the gym and go home & crash plans to attend this? I'm giving myself a hand for this one...
Anyway, I will in NO WAY attempt to write a review of this documentary for several reasons:
1. I am not a film critic. I'll leave that up to Egbert and them.
2. I probably would not do it any justice because (see reason #1).
3. That would defeat the purpose of the theme "Through their Eyes".
I will instead share my overall impression of the film and give some honest feedback through my eyes and experience.
In my opinion this piece, written , produced, and edited by Daphne S. Valerius, a Ronald McNair Scholar who graduated from St. Johns University and one BAD A$$ SISTAH (featuring commentary by Jada Pinkett Smith, Regina King, CHUCK freaking D, Michaela Angela Davis, Dr. Lez Edmond, among others and of course young black girls) does an excellent job of articulating and arguing the thesis that "black girls are suffering from a self image disorder". It ventures further to ask the question, "what is the cure for self image disorder"? That's rhetorical of course and could never be answered through one film, one conversation, or summed up with one answer. But it gives food for thought and in some cases, cause for soul searching.
One of the resounding themes and a personal take away for me is that to "cure" the self image disorder in our black girls, we have to be ACCOUNTABLE and HONEST! I can't help but repeat this theme in my head over and over again...It's interesting to me that I was blessed to experience this screening because just the other day I started (but did not finish) a blog post reflecting on where I have progressed from regarding my own self image issues. So since we're being challenged by this piece to be honest, I'll begin with me..
It quickly became evident to me as a young girl growing up, through the lack of real representation in popular media and being called "tar baby", "darkie" "big nose/lips" and other choice names, that mine was not the standard/accepted/esteemed image of beauty. Of course at 6/7 I could not articulate it as such but these experiences framed an image of myself that I struggled with for....Gosh!
As I got older, I often found myself wishing I had "her" skin tone, "that" nose, "those" lips and maybe "my" hair because I had always been told that it was "good" although it belonged to a dark girl...getting even older, I bought and clung to the notion of being "cute for a dark skinned girl" and held onto it for dear life. My codependency on this image became evident when I made the decision to embrace my natural beauty and stop relaxing my hair. I had begun to "find myself" and realized that (for me) the person on the inside was not being accurately depicted on the outside. I wanted to be natural as I felt that it would better tell of the self awareness, consciousness, and self acceptance that I was coming into and the metamorphosis that I was going through. There was just one little problem...I had a Boyfriend who made it very clear to me (on several occasions) that he adored my long "pretty" hair.
So I proceeded to write Boyfriend a 5 page letter (read: dissertation) on why I believed that black women for social, psychological, economical, biological, (oh I got deep) and other reasons should cease and desist with the creamy crack (read: relaxer) and my decision to embrace the natural me. At the time I called it "educating" him, but what I was really doing was preparing him mentally to accept an image of me that I felt would make him not LOVE ME....(so the tears are literally beginning to flow now)....
I thought that my self worth (even as I embraced this "real" me and was quickly becoming the nappy hair ambassador within my circle) was found in my "nice" hair, the hair that I was so happy to have because it was my only redeeming quality as a dark skinned girl. I was unsure of who/what I would be without the "P with the long, pretty hair" reputation. Boyfriend's protests of "but Gem I love you for you", fell on deaf ears, because I was convinced otherwise......
It was only recently that I realized how flawed I was in my thought process at the time.
So tonight as I experienced this film, I thought to myself, "Gem, you've come a long way baby".."But what about your little sisters"? "What about the women in the townships of South Africa that can't hide the grotesque consequences of skin bleaching on their faces, the evidence of their self hatred on display for all the world to see"? "At least you had the luxury of hiding yours".....
See this film, although it (the subject matter) may not be anything enlightening among the "enlightened" set, does provoke a dialogue of honesty, realness, and accountability that is also beginning to translate into ACTION. Our girls now, not only have to contend with the European standard of beauty, they must also fight against the "you must look/dress/act/walk/shake it like a salt shaker/stripper/whore for a man to want or desire you" image..WOW, they/WE got it bad.
I hope more YOUNG girls get to see this film and definitely more men and boys (they were disturbingly absent from the audience). We need to be real and honest, we need to stand accountable for what we're allowing (through media images) to be done to our baby girls who will eventually become the young women, the wives, and the mothers of our future baby girls, who will become the young women........
for more screening dates/info on the film please visit:
The Souls Of Black Girls
Today I was forwarded some information from a wonderful friend about a screening happening at the E Street Cinema (downtown, 11th & E right across from ESPN Zone, H&M and the new ZARA!)called "The Souls of Black Girls" as part of the Black Docs 2008: "Through Their Eyes" film festival. Can I just say how happy I am that I was spontaneous and cancelled my hit the gym and go home & crash plans to attend this? I'm giving myself a hand for this one...
Anyway, I will in NO WAY attempt to write a review of this documentary for several reasons:
1. I am not a film critic. I'll leave that up to Egbert and them.
2. I probably would not do it any justice because (see reason #1).
3. That would defeat the purpose of the theme "Through their Eyes".
I will instead share my overall impression of the film and give some honest feedback through my eyes and experience.
In my opinion this piece, written , produced, and edited by Daphne S. Valerius, a Ronald McNair Scholar who graduated from St. Johns University and one BAD A$$ SISTAH (featuring commentary by Jada Pinkett Smith, Regina King, CHUCK freaking D, Michaela Angela Davis, Dr. Lez Edmond, among others and of course young black girls) does an excellent job of articulating and arguing the thesis that "black girls are suffering from a self image disorder". It ventures further to ask the question, "what is the cure for self image disorder"? That's rhetorical of course and could never be answered through one film, one conversation, or summed up with one answer. But it gives food for thought and in some cases, cause for soul searching.
One of the resounding themes and a personal take away for me is that to "cure" the self image disorder in our black girls, we have to be ACCOUNTABLE and HONEST! I can't help but repeat this theme in my head over and over again...It's interesting to me that I was blessed to experience this screening because just the other day I started (but did not finish) a blog post reflecting on where I have progressed from regarding my own self image issues. So since we're being challenged by this piece to be honest, I'll begin with me..
It quickly became evident to me as a young girl growing up, through the lack of real representation in popular media and being called "tar baby", "darkie" "big nose/lips" and other choice names, that mine was not the standard/accepted/esteemed image of beauty. Of course at 6/7 I could not articulate it as such but these experiences framed an image of myself that I struggled with for....Gosh!
As I got older, I often found myself wishing I had "her" skin tone, "that" nose, "those" lips and maybe "my" hair because I had always been told that it was "good" although it belonged to a dark girl...getting even older, I bought and clung to the notion of being "cute for a dark skinned girl" and held onto it for dear life. My codependency on this image became evident when I made the decision to embrace my natural beauty and stop relaxing my hair. I had begun to "find myself" and realized that (for me) the person on the inside was not being accurately depicted on the outside. I wanted to be natural as I felt that it would better tell of the self awareness, consciousness, and self acceptance that I was coming into and the metamorphosis that I was going through. There was just one little problem...I had a Boyfriend who made it very clear to me (on several occasions) that he adored my long "pretty" hair.
So I proceeded to write Boyfriend a 5 page letter (read: dissertation) on why I believed that black women for social, psychological, economical, biological, (oh I got deep) and other reasons should cease and desist with the creamy crack (read: relaxer) and my decision to embrace the natural me. At the time I called it "educating" him, but what I was really doing was preparing him mentally to accept an image of me that I felt would make him not LOVE ME....(so the tears are literally beginning to flow now)....
I thought that my self worth (even as I embraced this "real" me and was quickly becoming the nappy hair ambassador within my circle) was found in my "nice" hair, the hair that I was so happy to have because it was my only redeeming quality as a dark skinned girl. I was unsure of who/what I would be without the "P with the long, pretty hair" reputation. Boyfriend's protests of "but Gem I love you for you", fell on deaf ears, because I was convinced otherwise......
It was only recently that I realized how flawed I was in my thought process at the time.
So tonight as I experienced this film, I thought to myself, "Gem, you've come a long way baby".."But what about your little sisters"? "What about the women in the townships of South Africa that can't hide the grotesque consequences of skin bleaching on their faces, the evidence of their self hatred on display for all the world to see"? "At least you had the luxury of hiding yours".....
See this film, although it (the subject matter) may not be anything enlightening among the "enlightened" set, does provoke a dialogue of honesty, realness, and accountability that is also beginning to translate into ACTION. Our girls now, not only have to contend with the European standard of beauty, they must also fight against the "you must look/dress/act/walk/shake it like a salt shaker/stripper/whore for a man to want or desire you" image..WOW, they/WE got it bad.
I hope more YOUNG girls get to see this film and definitely more men and boys (they were disturbingly absent from the audience). We need to be real and honest, we need to stand accountable for what we're allowing (through media images) to be done to our baby girls who will eventually become the young women, the wives, and the mothers of our future baby girls, who will become the young women........
for more screening dates/info on the film please visit:
The Souls Of Black Girls
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Stupid Sir, Hair, and Barking Dogs...
So, what did I tell you?
Stupid Sir: "is there a way...can this be reconsidered"?
Boss: "is there any way” is a loaded phrase, since I guess there is always a way. I think this horse has left the barn. In any case, my understanding is that everything is pretty much set, so if Gem has any ideas about how to...let’s discuss, but there is no forum right now for continuing to discuss such a move. Gem"?
Me: "None, we've discussed this and will proceed as previously planned"
Stupid Sir: "Understood, thanks"
LOL! Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.. (note to self: never hire an imbecile like this for your business). I'm even up earlier than you in the morning.
Hair...
Why after 7 years of wearing my hair natural have I not learned that curly hair just does not like to be straight? Why do I waste my time and money? Oh well, at least I got a much needed hair cut..sigh...
There are actually dogs that live next door to me that are allowed to stay outside and bark at 3:00 AM? Where can I find some food poisoning?
Stupid Sir: "is there a way...can this be reconsidered"?
Boss: "is there any way” is a loaded phrase, since I guess there is always a way. I think this horse has left the barn. In any case, my understanding is that everything is pretty much set, so if Gem has any ideas about how to...let’s discuss, but there is no forum right now for continuing to discuss such a move. Gem"?
Me: "None, we've discussed this and will proceed as previously planned"
Stupid Sir: "Understood, thanks"
LOL! Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.. (note to self: never hire an imbecile like this for your business). I'm even up earlier than you in the morning.
Hair...
Why after 7 years of wearing my hair natural have I not learned that curly hair just does not like to be straight? Why do I waste my time and money? Oh well, at least I got a much needed hair cut..sigh...
There are actually dogs that live next door to me that are allowed to stay outside and bark at 3:00 AM? Where can I find some food poisoning?
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sir, Please Don't Test Me
Do you think I went all the way to South Africa to do a job just to have it undermined by the likes of you? There are just too many chiefs in this village and frankly it's getting old.
I am surprised at the tone of my voice (that calm, resolved, but forceful kinda bassy one, scary huh?) when I talked to you today but it calmed your hyper a$$ right on down. Please don't test me sir. In case you missed the memo: The Old Gem Stayed in Africa!
All this drama because you feel the need to "have a say" and "be heard"? We've talked this over and you know my position on why certain decisions were made. And NOW you want to protest, for what?
The funny thing is that what I told you would happen, happened. You sounded like a whiny child crying to daddy because "Gem won't let me play with her ball" in that email too...dummy! And NO, my boss is not going to ask me to change the direction of this project just to please you...he will tell you to defer to me because I am the project manager and you already know my position...and I know you're not bold enough to go to the the boss lady (even though she is the right person) with this nonsense because frankly sir, you like your job and "director" title a bit too much to bark up that tree. But if you did go to her, guess what she would say? "Gem is the project manager, ask her". LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had our talk and I hope I made myself very clear. Please don't let this happen ever again. Thank you.
I am surprised at the tone of my voice (that calm, resolved, but forceful kinda bassy one, scary huh?) when I talked to you today but it calmed your hyper a$$ right on down. Please don't test me sir. In case you missed the memo: The Old Gem Stayed in Africa!
All this drama because you feel the need to "have a say" and "be heard"? We've talked this over and you know my position on why certain decisions were made. And NOW you want to protest, for what?
The funny thing is that what I told you would happen, happened. You sounded like a whiny child crying to daddy because "Gem won't let me play with her ball" in that email too...dummy! And NO, my boss is not going to ask me to change the direction of this project just to please you...he will tell you to defer to me because I am the project manager and you already know my position...and I know you're not bold enough to go to the the boss lady (even though she is the right person) with this nonsense because frankly sir, you like your job and "director" title a bit too much to bark up that tree. But if you did go to her, guess what she would say? "Gem is the project manager, ask her". LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had our talk and I hope I made myself very clear. Please don't let this happen ever again. Thank you.
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