A hopeless romantic, sucker for love, wearing my heart on my sleeve, glutton for punishment, amongst other things would describe my approach to L.O.V.E.
I saw S&TC Friday night and the theme of the move was Love; it’s beautifulness, it's elusiveness (for some), the effort it takes to make it work, and the fact that it's defined as so many different things for so many people. I cried during this movie (I'm a big baby) because there were some moments that just hit home! I left very reflective, kind of melancholy and almost sad...
This morning as I jogged I thought about the state of my love life...or lack thereof with more clarity. Right now I am very single and I really hate the rigors of dating. I am not a serial dater and this is really the first time that I’ve been truly single. I have been meeting a lot of dudes lately but there is absolutely no one that I am interested in getting to know more. I really want to keep things very surface level and have fun and I am meeting people that want the exact opposite. I met one gentleman, "Mr. Syracuse"(older so not surprising) that feels the need to send me 6:00 am “Good Morning” texts in spite of the fact that we have not been on one date yet. We just met and merely shared pleasantires and brief (how old are you, what do you do, you got any kinds, etc) phone conversations. I was supposed to have a date with him on Friday night but I chose to go with my girls to see S&TC instead. He made it clear to me that he was not happy with me even though we had not even made solid plans and I called him well in advance to cancel. He even asked me who I was going to the movie with! Blower....
I admit that I really don't have a mission or “purpose” in dating. I am not looking for a man and I am not looking for casual sex. I am not trying to marry anyone right now if ever. I guess you could say that I'm open to the possibilities.
But I had someone that reminded me of the possibilities, and then he left. So Friday night I was mostly thinking about him and I realize that the way I feel about him is a bit deeper than I care to admit or am prepared to deal with especially since there is nothing I can do with these emotions. So now I am really questioning my intentions in this "friendship" and wondering if I am just playing myself and being a sucker for love once again. I am the way I am and I don't want "fear to change who I am". I just want to be smart and I don't want to be hurt. Sometimes I feel hurt by it all. I feel like when we were dealing with each other, we both took our time/opportunity for granted. I can say that for me, I wish I could reclaim some lost moments and opportunities that I missed out on to spend time with him, be held by him, be kissed and touched by him and to just enjoy him due to fear, playing hard to get, wanting to maintain the upper hand, etc. I am sorry for it. Because I miss him and I'm mad that this love s&*$ keeps slipping through my fingers. When this sort of thing happens, it makes me question myself, messes with my head and self esteem and that's not even like me! I just don't even know what to do anymore. I know that I am a great woman and I just tell myself that as much as possible. I feel like I’ve been here before and this is just a test of my resolve and character.
I wish I could have an honest, open conversation with him about these feelings. But that seems so self serving, foolish and inappropriate to me. At least it would be for me to initiate such a conversation. I was hoping that when I came home from Africa, he would have had that conversation with me without us just moving ahead as "friends" like there was never anything between us. But maybe it's selfish for me to even feel like this. But man I..., F*&% it!
I like the way each woman's love story in S&TC was so different and realistic. I think that I'm most like Carrie (if I have to choose one) in that I am a dreamer when it comes to love, I believe in it, have experienced it (good and bad), and still believe in it. But also like Samantha, there are aspects of being in a commitment that feel so stifling and scary for me. I don't like the single life because I want to get my freak on but rather because I am such a loner and I know that's not cool in a relationship. I think that with the right person this could be cured though. To me Charlotte’s life resembles the America dream or the perfect love story (ending), although she notably (to me) has never had her own identity like the others. She's always been attached to a man and seems to find her value within the context of a relationship, something that I can’t identify with at all. Like, I don't ever remember her having a real career like the others. Miranda, represents that go getter part of me, that I think I would have to lose some of to make a relationship work. Like the part of my job that I love right now is that I travel. Some of my upcoming travel will require me to be gone for weeks at a time and although a bf/gf relationship might fare well with that, would a marriage...with kids? Probably not.
Regardless of how much of a sucker I am for love, I am not jaded at all and I know that I have the right ingredients to make something good work. The one thing that I've learned about love is that to make it work, it takes a level of selflessness that most people don't really understand. You have to constantly think of the other person. To me, it's like loving your child, it's not what they can do for you but rather how you can be a blessing to your partner and I believe they (a good mate) will naturally reciprocate. Those girls in the movie learned this. Selfishness is the root of all evil when it comes to relationships. When you start seeing things from the "what I want" perspective things quickly deteriorate.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Back from Paradise
Wow! The Bahamas, what can I say about your gorgeousness? You are truly a sight to behold and a far greater wonder to experience. The only question that I have is why did I wait so long to partake in your splendor?
Okay so basically, I really enjoyed my time in the Bahamas. I know for a fact that this is just a prelude to my many travels to the Caribbean. There are so many islands that are now on my “must visit” list. My soul just lights up in tropical environments and the aftermath of enjoyment can even be noted in my “energy” when I return to the states. I just want to find a way to hold onto this positive energy until I can get away again.
We left the Bahamas to return stateside yesterday with a trail of heavy drinking, partying, eating to my taste buds' delight(and my waistline's dismay), and basking in the glory of the sun in our wake. The glow on my face tells it all and I’m not even playing when I said I cut loose in the Bahamas! I normally don't even drink like that, but when alcohol (any libation of your choosing) is in abundance 24 hours a day and it's already been paid for in your all inclusive package, what's a girl to do? I had drinks that I've never even heard of before and will probably never see again. The food was spectacular, the views were awesome and the men...can you say, young, chocolate deliciousness? And they all wanted to flirt and tell you how gorgeous you were every five minutes. It's a wonder my head did not explode all over Paradise Island. But the downfall was that they were all younger (like 20 and 22) and they live in the Bahamas and I in America. Honestly, what can I really do with those odds? One asked me, "so can I give you a reason to come back to the Bahamas"? To which I replied "yes, a first class ticket and a suite at the Hilton without you in it". To that he smiled and responded, "You American girls are so hard to get". I love a man with thick skin because that was rude as hell! Blame it on the alcohol. But we all got a good laugh and he was still fine as well aged wine when it was all said and done.
All in all a good time was had, and we made it back to the “smog, selfishness, and stress", not to mention foolery out of the mouths of dumb a$$ politicians (read Hillary Clinton) of the states in one piece. I actually had a dream a while back that HC made comments eluding to the assassination of Obama, no lie!
Today my boss was trying to find a politically correct way to tell me that I looked like I got a tan. He was so funny asking me questions like:
Boss: “So do you ever get sun burned”?
Me: “No because I use sunscreen”.
Boss: “So do you actually tan”?
Me: “Yes and quite easily might I add”.
Boss: “Yeah because you seem to have gotten a little tan”.
Why didn’t this dude just come out and say “dang girl you got blacker”! I guess that would not have gone over well, huh? Did I mention that my boss is Caucasian? LOL!
Why do people think that darker skinned black folks are immune to the sun? Crazy!
Mr. Man said he didn’t think I got darker… (That’s because you’re not privy to these tan lines playa!) I bought him a small “I was thinking of you while I was away” gift and his response was priceless. It’s so easy to love a man that appreciates the small blessings in life. That is such an attractive quality……
It’s good to be home.
Okay so basically, I really enjoyed my time in the Bahamas. I know for a fact that this is just a prelude to my many travels to the Caribbean. There are so many islands that are now on my “must visit” list. My soul just lights up in tropical environments and the aftermath of enjoyment can even be noted in my “energy” when I return to the states. I just want to find a way to hold onto this positive energy until I can get away again.
We left the Bahamas to return stateside yesterday with a trail of heavy drinking, partying, eating to my taste buds' delight(and my waistline's dismay), and basking in the glory of the sun in our wake. The glow on my face tells it all and I’m not even playing when I said I cut loose in the Bahamas! I normally don't even drink like that, but when alcohol (any libation of your choosing) is in abundance 24 hours a day and it's already been paid for in your all inclusive package, what's a girl to do? I had drinks that I've never even heard of before and will probably never see again. The food was spectacular, the views were awesome and the men...can you say, young, chocolate deliciousness? And they all wanted to flirt and tell you how gorgeous you were every five minutes. It's a wonder my head did not explode all over Paradise Island. But the downfall was that they were all younger (like 20 and 22) and they live in the Bahamas and I in America. Honestly, what can I really do with those odds? One asked me, "so can I give you a reason to come back to the Bahamas"? To which I replied "yes, a first class ticket and a suite at the Hilton without you in it". To that he smiled and responded, "You American girls are so hard to get". I love a man with thick skin because that was rude as hell! Blame it on the alcohol. But we all got a good laugh and he was still fine as well aged wine when it was all said and done.
All in all a good time was had, and we made it back to the “smog, selfishness, and stress", not to mention foolery out of the mouths of dumb a$$ politicians (read Hillary Clinton) of the states in one piece. I actually had a dream a while back that HC made comments eluding to the assassination of Obama, no lie!
Today my boss was trying to find a politically correct way to tell me that I looked like I got a tan. He was so funny asking me questions like:
Boss: “So do you ever get sun burned”?
Me: “No because I use sunscreen”.
Boss: “So do you actually tan”?
Me: “Yes and quite easily might I add”.
Boss: “Yeah because you seem to have gotten a little tan”.
Why didn’t this dude just come out and say “dang girl you got blacker”! I guess that would not have gone over well, huh? Did I mention that my boss is Caucasian? LOL!
Why do people think that darker skinned black folks are immune to the sun? Crazy!
Mr. Man said he didn’t think I got darker… (That’s because you’re not privy to these tan lines playa!) I bought him a small “I was thinking of you while I was away” gift and his response was priceless. It’s so easy to love a man that appreciates the small blessings in life. That is such an attractive quality……
It’s good to be home.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Overcoming Pain through Words
I had a conversation today that turned into a pretty deep discussion about some heavy stuff that's happened to me in the past. The way that the conversation transitioned to this deep place was so organic that I was able to express myself freely without reservation. At one point in the conversation, he asked me why we'd never discussed this stuff before and I simply replied that it just never really came up.
He also made some comments that really stuck with me and provoked me to think a little more about when you really know if you are over a deep hurt or if we can ever truly get over something like being physically, verbally or sexually abused? I wonder? He said to me "you speak so calmly about this stuff". I do because I realize that every time I speak on it, whether in its entirety or in part, I become empowered. I release any residual pain through the words that I use to share my story with a trusted friend. Yes, I am also able to speak freely on it because I trust him and I know that he cares.
Human beings are very resilient and we often give ourselves less credit for our strength. I mentioned to him that I never really mourned over the things that happened to me, because I simply did not have the time back then. I had to get on my grind to make it and that was and has remained my focus.
To me what I do with the power I've gained from becoming unafraid to share my pain is what matters now. Am I saying that I should air all my business in the street? NO! But I am saying that I will never again feel ashamed of things that happened to me when I was unable to defend myself or words that were said to me when I was not wise enough to know that the devil is a liar. Other people have always told me "Gem you are so strong" and though I believed them I often focused on my weaknesses instead of really acknowledging my strength.
Weather I am completely healed of the wounds of my past remains to be seen. I admit that I work hard at earning people’s acceptance and love because I was once told that I was “unlovable”. I remind myself daily that I am a gem and all I really need to do is relax and let them recognize it too. I know that I am really hard on myself and I get frustrated easily at my imperfections because I was once told that I would “never be anything”. When the fact is that I am flawed and I will never be perfect but my imperfections give me character and make me beautiful. I no longer need to prove the naysayers wrong because I know who I am and frankly, if they saw all that I’ve become, they’d weep. These are things that I am recognizing and continuing to work on.
I want to share my (past) pain not only to bolster my own strength, but to strengthen others and to be a safe zone for those that are still haunted by their past and finding it difficult to progress because of it.
To me this is the only we reason why we survive the things that don’t "kill us".
He also made some comments that really stuck with me and provoked me to think a little more about when you really know if you are over a deep hurt or if we can ever truly get over something like being physically, verbally or sexually abused? I wonder? He said to me "you speak so calmly about this stuff". I do because I realize that every time I speak on it, whether in its entirety or in part, I become empowered. I release any residual pain through the words that I use to share my story with a trusted friend. Yes, I am also able to speak freely on it because I trust him and I know that he cares.
Human beings are very resilient and we often give ourselves less credit for our strength. I mentioned to him that I never really mourned over the things that happened to me, because I simply did not have the time back then. I had to get on my grind to make it and that was and has remained my focus.
To me what I do with the power I've gained from becoming unafraid to share my pain is what matters now. Am I saying that I should air all my business in the street? NO! But I am saying that I will never again feel ashamed of things that happened to me when I was unable to defend myself or words that were said to me when I was not wise enough to know that the devil is a liar. Other people have always told me "Gem you are so strong" and though I believed them I often focused on my weaknesses instead of really acknowledging my strength.
Weather I am completely healed of the wounds of my past remains to be seen. I admit that I work hard at earning people’s acceptance and love because I was once told that I was “unlovable”. I remind myself daily that I am a gem and all I really need to do is relax and let them recognize it too. I know that I am really hard on myself and I get frustrated easily at my imperfections because I was once told that I would “never be anything”. When the fact is that I am flawed and I will never be perfect but my imperfections give me character and make me beautiful. I no longer need to prove the naysayers wrong because I know who I am and frankly, if they saw all that I’ve become, they’d weep. These are things that I am recognizing and continuing to work on.
I want to share my (past) pain not only to bolster my own strength, but to strengthen others and to be a safe zone for those that are still haunted by their past and finding it difficult to progress because of it.
To me this is the only we reason why we survive the things that don’t "kill us".
Party and bull....
My weekend was off the hook! I can't really put my finger on it but I am just in a wonderful mood to have fun, laugh and live everyday to the fullest...
So Friday I was supposed to go to B-More with Bunz for a private party, but a man got in the way of our plans (on her end) so that was cancelled. Cool, because I was kind of tired from working all day and tutoring my ex's son all evening. I took the opportunity to just "veg out", relax, and watch mindless TV for what is was worth, especially since I am usually catching up on homework on the weekend. Thank God school is over for a few weeks!
On Saturday I went to FLOC and worked with "Nina Simone" again. I had her eating out of the palm of my hand this time. We had a great, highly productive session and the love note that was written to me on the board read: "I am happy that you are here. I love you." I really admire the resilience of children. She did not once mention "Ms. Jasmin" and I was showered with more hugs and kisses.
I did a little shopping. I really don't actually buy clothes that often so I picked up a few accessories and got my camera fixed (for free!!) at Circuit City. I was so happy that I did not have to come out the pocket for a new one. The way that went down was such a blessing!
Sunday, we went to see IRON MAN, loved it!!! It was so good and I know two things:
1. Audi, Verizon cellular, Burger King, and Bentley are about to get paid off the not so subliminal advertising in that movie.
2. We really need to pray for our troops as well as the innocent civilians in places like Afghanistan and Iraq, cause when powerful weapons get in the wrong hands it can mean a lot of innocent lives.
Sunday was also Bunz's birthday so of course she wanted to celebrate. So she and I and some friends from Baltimore along with two other girls and some gentlemen, when to K Street lounge. Off the hook!! The crowd was hype for a Sunday night and such a small a$$ club but it was a good time. Bunz had fun and I laid off the alcohol because I already know that sleep deprivation and hangovers don't mix. Red Bull anyone?
Going out this time really made me realize why I am more of the “bunned up” relationship type instead of a serial dater. There is no worse turn off than to have the same guy try to talk to you and every other lady in your entourage. YUCK! I am so done with the D.C. dating scene, not that I’ve ever really even started, but still. I’d much rather be at home or out with my special little something…
Yeah I missed my baby and I kept thinking that the last time I went to the club and really let loose was with him ...sigh…
Oh well. A new week is upon me and the Caribbean is three days away!
So Friday I was supposed to go to B-More with Bunz for a private party, but a man got in the way of our plans (on her end) so that was cancelled. Cool, because I was kind of tired from working all day and tutoring my ex's son all evening. I took the opportunity to just "veg out", relax, and watch mindless TV for what is was worth, especially since I am usually catching up on homework on the weekend. Thank God school is over for a few weeks!
On Saturday I went to FLOC and worked with "Nina Simone" again. I had her eating out of the palm of my hand this time. We had a great, highly productive session and the love note that was written to me on the board read: "I am happy that you are here. I love you." I really admire the resilience of children. She did not once mention "Ms. Jasmin" and I was showered with more hugs and kisses.
I did a little shopping. I really don't actually buy clothes that often so I picked up a few accessories and got my camera fixed (for free!!) at Circuit City. I was so happy that I did not have to come out the pocket for a new one. The way that went down was such a blessing!
Sunday, we went to see IRON MAN, loved it!!! It was so good and I know two things:
1. Audi, Verizon cellular, Burger King, and Bentley are about to get paid off the not so subliminal advertising in that movie.
2. We really need to pray for our troops as well as the innocent civilians in places like Afghanistan and Iraq, cause when powerful weapons get in the wrong hands it can mean a lot of innocent lives.
Sunday was also Bunz's birthday so of course she wanted to celebrate. So she and I and some friends from Baltimore along with two other girls and some gentlemen, when to K Street lounge. Off the hook!! The crowd was hype for a Sunday night and such a small a$$ club but it was a good time. Bunz had fun and I laid off the alcohol because I already know that sleep deprivation and hangovers don't mix. Red Bull anyone?
Going out this time really made me realize why I am more of the “bunned up” relationship type instead of a serial dater. There is no worse turn off than to have the same guy try to talk to you and every other lady in your entourage. YUCK! I am so done with the D.C. dating scene, not that I’ve ever really even started, but still. I’d much rather be at home or out with my special little something…
Yeah I missed my baby and I kept thinking that the last time I went to the club and really let loose was with him ...sigh…
Oh well. A new week is upon me and the Caribbean is three days away!
Friday, May 16, 2008
On my grind and forbidden fruit
I have not been journaling all week and honestly, I’ve missed it. But after a week of being a “slave” to the straight hair, I’m back in the gym in the evenings…hard! I went to the grocery store, stocked up on my “essentials for getting it tight” items and I’ve been doing pretty well all week. The fact that I’m heading to the Caribbean next week doesn’t hurt the motivation factor either. Why do we (women) do that? I am generally in good shape but man when it’s time to go somewhere or be seen, I puts in overtime. LOL! I am just glad that I'm not as obsessed with being a perfect size 2 as I was this time last year. I would work out twice a day sometimes. I've actually worked out 3 different times in one day. I'm a monster...I'm happy with my body right now, I feel more womanly at a size 4-6. I am only 5'1" but at a size 2 I look a bit like a prepubescent boy and that's not hot. So now it's eating more good food, doing more strength training, doing a variety of cardio exercises and when I run, only running 2-3 miles instead of 4-6..LOL!
I am super excited about getting away (from the USA) again. I live for the vacay…another reason why I must become independently wealthy ASAP!
Operation “stop thinking about Alejandro so much” is pretty much a bust, oh this man, this man.... I guess I'll try harder next week. But how is a girl supposed to forget a man that says stuff like, "...there are many things that I would love to be able to say to you, do for you, and do to you, but now is not the time. Until then, you are an amazing woman".... What do you want to do to me baby? I hope it's the same stuff that you’ve been doing to me every night, in my dreams..(“in my imagination I be all up on you…touch my body…”) Okay that was very naughty and it shows my true colors that I would focus on that part but what can I say…that's just where I'm at right now. He is so fly and sexy and sweet with those soft full lips, that gorgeous smile, nice manly hands...but he’s just my "friend"...Oh the beautifulness of forbidden fruit...sigh
I am super excited about getting away (from the USA) again. I live for the vacay…another reason why I must become independently wealthy ASAP!
Operation “stop thinking about Alejandro so much” is pretty much a bust, oh this man, this man.... I guess I'll try harder next week. But how is a girl supposed to forget a man that says stuff like, "...there are many things that I would love to be able to say to you, do for you, and do to you, but now is not the time. Until then, you are an amazing woman".... What do you want to do to me baby? I hope it's the same stuff that you’ve been doing to me every night, in my dreams..(“in my imagination I be all up on you…touch my body…”) Okay that was very naughty and it shows my true colors that I would focus on that part but what can I say…that's just where I'm at right now. He is so fly and sexy and sweet with those soft full lips, that gorgeous smile, nice manly hands...but he’s just my "friend"...Oh the beautifulness of forbidden fruit...sigh
Sunday, May 11, 2008
When you're feeling blue with nothing to do...step into the party life
Saturday night I decided to step out into the DC night life. This is a rarity for me but I had already told my girl "Bunz" earlier in the week that I would chill with her when she came back from NYC and I'm just not the type to fake on anyone. Plus after I analyzed the alternatives, I decided that it would probably be good for me to get out. I actually thought we were just going to grab a bite and get in some much needed "girl talk", but with Bunz, you just never know.
First we hit up Sidelines (sports bar) at the BLVD at Capital Centre, it was cool. We grabbed drinks and the fellas kept them flowing. Later we connected with some friends of Bunz's and headed to H2O. I had actually never been to this club for a "club" night so I was kind of curious. I was pleasantly surprised. The gentlemen that we were with took very good care of us so that probably enhanced the experience.
There were some "famous" folks in the house that were apparently attached to the Kanye West tour which contributed to the off the hook crowd. I danced, drank my sprite and cranberry juice and made the best of the night in spite of the fact that "Alejandro" stayed on my mind the entire night! Darn him for owning my thoughts like that...LOL! (I am going to STOP thinking about him, I swear...starting Monday).
I met a few folks who for various reasons have already been deleted from my phone book! All I'll say is that I really don't care who you're with because I am not the least bit interested in being a groupie whore..
After it was all said and done, the gentlemen paid the tab and we went our separate ways. Bunz and I went out for some late night fare and I let the sun beat me home.
All in all, it was a good night in the party life..
First we hit up Sidelines (sports bar) at the BLVD at Capital Centre, it was cool. We grabbed drinks and the fellas kept them flowing. Later we connected with some friends of Bunz's and headed to H2O. I had actually never been to this club for a "club" night so I was kind of curious. I was pleasantly surprised. The gentlemen that we were with took very good care of us so that probably enhanced the experience.
There were some "famous" folks in the house that were apparently attached to the Kanye West tour which contributed to the off the hook crowd. I danced, drank my sprite and cranberry juice and made the best of the night in spite of the fact that "Alejandro" stayed on my mind the entire night! Darn him for owning my thoughts like that...LOL! (I am going to STOP thinking about him, I swear...starting Monday).
I met a few folks who for various reasons have already been deleted from my phone book! All I'll say is that I really don't care who you're with because I am not the least bit interested in being a groupie whore..
After it was all said and done, the gentlemen paid the tab and we went our separate ways. Bunz and I went out for some late night fare and I let the sun beat me home.
All in all, it was a good night in the party life..
F.L.O.C
I volunteer with an organization called For Love of Children in Adams Morgan (NW D.C). Due to work and personal obligations I have not been able to commit to the every Saturday morning schedule, but I've made myself available for emergency needs and they called me up on Thursday to come in. The young girl that I usually work with now attends the Tuesday night tutoring sessions so instead of her, I was introduced to a seven year old angel named "Nina-Simone" to tutor.
Nina Simone hated my guts from the moment she laid eyes on me. This was difficult for me because I have never met a child that just flat out did not like me! I was unsure of how I was going to overcome this barrier between Nina Simone and I so that we could proceed with the task at hand (me tutoring her). In any event, we'd managed to get into some work for a while when suddenly she jumped up, went to the dry erase board and began writing a love letter to her former tutor. It read: "Dear Ms. Jazmine, I love you and I miss you". So since we were there to tutor in reading , I asked her to read the ode to Ms. Jazmine aloud to me. Instead, Nina-Simone began sobbing uncontrollably. I was like, OMG! Nina cried and cried until she made me cry. I held her, attempted to validate her feelings and allow her the space she needed to grieve the loss of her beloved Ms. Jazmine. I felt like such an intruder.
Eventually, the crying ceased and she wanted to read her book that she'd selected. She turned her back to me and read for the rest of the session. When it was over she went upstairs to wait on her mom and I stayed downstairs to work on my lesson plan for next Saturday's tutoring session. What can I say? I am a sucker for children and after all, she needs the consistency of one tutor because she clearly does not deal with separation well.
Suddenly Nina Simone came back downstairs and handed me a note that read: "I love you, you love me, but I do not even know your name". LOL!! I told her my name and she asked me if she could give me a kiss. I happily obliged and Nina-Simone planted one on my cheek then went about her merry way. I guess it's safe to say that I made a new friend.
After that emotionally charged two hours, I headed to Tryst for some of my favorite Chamomile/Lavender tea to calm my darn nerves then headed home.
Nina Simone hated my guts from the moment she laid eyes on me. This was difficult for me because I have never met a child that just flat out did not like me! I was unsure of how I was going to overcome this barrier between Nina Simone and I so that we could proceed with the task at hand (me tutoring her). In any event, we'd managed to get into some work for a while when suddenly she jumped up, went to the dry erase board and began writing a love letter to her former tutor. It read: "Dear Ms. Jazmine, I love you and I miss you". So since we were there to tutor in reading , I asked her to read the ode to Ms. Jazmine aloud to me. Instead, Nina-Simone began sobbing uncontrollably. I was like, OMG! Nina cried and cried until she made me cry. I held her, attempted to validate her feelings and allow her the space she needed to grieve the loss of her beloved Ms. Jazmine. I felt like such an intruder.
Eventually, the crying ceased and she wanted to read her book that she'd selected. She turned her back to me and read for the rest of the session. When it was over she went upstairs to wait on her mom and I stayed downstairs to work on my lesson plan for next Saturday's tutoring session. What can I say? I am a sucker for children and after all, she needs the consistency of one tutor because she clearly does not deal with separation well.
Suddenly Nina Simone came back downstairs and handed me a note that read: "I love you, you love me, but I do not even know your name". LOL!! I told her my name and she asked me if she could give me a kiss. I happily obliged and Nina-Simone planted one on my cheek then went about her merry way. I guess it's safe to say that I made a new friend.
After that emotionally charged two hours, I headed to Tryst for some of my favorite Chamomile/Lavender tea to calm my darn nerves then headed home.
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