Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Becoming Mrs. Right

The main points of the series "The New Rules for Sex, Love & Dating" is that we don't magically become a good mate after we meet and marry "the right person", in fact this "happily every after" myth is why many marriages fail. Seems so simple of a concept, but when you did deeper, it's clear how this thinking can be problematic and how one must make a conscious effort to avoid this trap, well before marriage. I want to be the BEST WIFE I CAN BE, when that time comes, and I know that begins in me.

Andy Stanley asserts that being/becoming a good mate is a process that must be undertaken long before you even meet your mate. Many people want to commit but are simply unprepared to do so because they did not prepare in advance for the commitment that they are making. For me, an unmarried woman, this concept seems fundamental. To me, this is the heart of God, that we seek Him to mold us into the image he has for us and everything else will fall into place. In fact loving God first is not only a command but it's the path to understanding HOW to love others...

I'd venture to take it a step further and say this process should not be taken solely for the objective of attracting a the person you want, but that becoming the type of person you'd want to love simply makes you a better person. What a concept...

This message actually confirmed a lot of things that I'd already been thinking about and praying about. I've been sensing that God wants me to focus on Him and allow him to change me solely for His enjoyment, for his glory, and he'll add a mate to my life if he decides to share me. LOL!

So that is my become Mrs. Right. As with most real change, it begins with a purpose of heart and then applying Godly principles to renew the mind. Everything else will happen....with some practical application

So here we go...I'm excited!

Designer Sex & Becoming Mrs. Right

This entire series "The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating" on becoming the person you want to find is dope and a Godsend but Part II, "Designer Sex" echoes everything I believe about sex outside of marriage and the speaker addresses the topic so eloquently.

The New Rules for Love, Sex, & Dating

It was so good and blessed me so much that I HAD to send it to like everyone I know. I pray that people will at least take the time to listen.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Growing Pains

I can always tell when I've made the right decision in a situation; my emotions are unhappy but my mind is clear. My resolve is strengthened.

The heart wants what it wants. My heart wants a companion, a future husband; one that is witty, godly, intellectual, funny, successful, smart, educated, sweet, compassionate, attractive, etc...

I saw potential there. But he wasn’t for me (at least not at this time) because he DID NOT CHOOSE ME! I'm only took me 8 months this time instead of 3 years. Thank God for giving me this moment of clarity.

I think I said everything I wanted to say. The conversation went well. There is no love lost and even the heated discourse was compassionate and intellectually stimulating (darn that man, LOL!!) so that's how I know we'll both remember each other fondly. Which for me, is a happy ending.

He expressed disappointment in my decision. Which lets me know that he didn’t really expect me to make the choice I did. HA! Men are funny to me. All of a sudden he could picture himself having a change of heart. Maybe he will. But I can't afford to wait around for it.

As I said to him, if he's a person that God will have for me, he will come to his senses and come back around and I will gladly receive him. I know God will not withhold any good thing from me, His word says so. And with that, I bid you adieu sir...

One of my girls said this to me after I told her about the ending: "girl, u r growing leaps and bounds. God is smiling on u right now he's like, "look at my baby girl"...

Amen. I pray that He is...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Needs to be Said

You know what? I really need to say this:

It's been really refreshing conversing with Cope. I keep reverting back to the conversation from last night. Being a professional woman in the DC area is hard. I can't speak for anyone else, but I've always first and foremost seen myself as a wife and mother. But as I've grown and realized that those roles don't always come so easily, I've refocused my energy on the things I can control like my education and career. I think this is what a lot of women do.

So when men run across women that seem to be all about their career, it's often not her first choice but rather a default position as a result of the relationship thing seeming unattainable. After all, men do the choosing, not women. God made men the gatekeepers of marriage, by virtue of the fact that men do the asking of the woman's hand in marriage (i don't care that women now ask men too, I'm an old fashioned girl). Not to mention there are a lot of men who are simply non-committal!

It's so refreshing and encouraging to make the acquaintance of a man who knows what he wants and seems ready to do what he needs to pursue it and will not play games with his woman. I was starting to think all "decent" (smart, educated, can hold a conversation, has a job, handsome, no kids, Christian, etc) men are simply content to deal with multiple women forever. Even if it goes nowhere, I'm really enjoying being proven wrong.(:)(:)(:)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Love in a Time of Famine

"We aren't victims of some vast conspiracy to ensnare us sexually; we've simply chosen to mix in our own standards of sexual conduct with God's standard. Since we found God's standard too difficult, we created a mixture -- something new, something comfortable, something mediocre."

What God wants for me is His best, the most perfect gift that he could ever give me. But to reach this, it takes sacrifice on my part. I'm learning every day, that this walk of abstinence will be traversed on an often lonely road. I've always been prepared for the loneliness of being rejected by the opposite sex, what's catching me off guard is finding fellow sisters in Christ who are also sold out.

I think/I know what's missing is our complete adherence to God's word in every area of our lives. That seems easier in other areas than with sexual purity. Somehow we find ways to justify sexual sin as "the one sin" that God will just have to deal with us if we only have one sin. I've done it. Does that make me unworthy of having a heart change and being totally convicted now? I don't think so, grace says that's not so. Yet I admit, at times I feel like I don't have the right! I've had sex and lot's of it. I'm nobody's angel or virgin.

Today I read a (supposed to be Christian relationship) blog where the writer was using Bible scripture to admonish her readership against "having sex too soon" in a relationship! She caveat(ed) by saying "but for the Christian, too soon is any sex before marriage". I was floored! Is this not a Christian based blog? Why are you even discussing any other type of sex? But I didn’t comment! I just got upset and unsubscribed...Silly me.

In those moments I hear the Spirit of the Lord saying, "You need to speak up! This world is starving for the truth. There is famine in the land and you have the manna of God's word, so share it in its unadulterated truth. You think that love is sparing the feelings of others. But my love is conviction that at times cuts like a knife but sets you free by grace. Share it"! Yet I remain silent and I feel guilty....

Monday, September 12, 2011

I Want That Old Thing Back

I miss my life before FB, Twitter, etc. Today I decided I want it back. So I’m taking it back.

The other day I counted how many times I logged in to my twitter and/or FB account and the answer was "you need to get a life". Really, I have no life right now. I'll literally sit there (while watching a movie) and hit refresh on my social networking tool of choice umpteen times. I think it's sad. So I deleted everything.

Sure, I could decrease the number of times I log in but the real issue is I just don't want to consume other people's lives anymore. I want to live my own and not share it with people I don't really consider friends in real life. So I deleted everything.

I want to write again, I want to take a cooking class, I want to study for the GMAT, I want to look for jobs in Chicago, and not share any of it, unless it’s with my support system. I'm glad people are having birthdays, babies, parties, weddings, etc. But I don't care or want to care. So I deleted everything.

Most of the content is not conducive to where I am in my life right now. I spend a considerable amount of time hiding people from my newsfeed, unfriending and blocking people.

I deleted the last guy I was "talking to" because I realized that whole reason I kept him as a FB friend was to use it to somehow manipulate him into missing me, thinking of me, wanting me etc. I'm on a spiritual journey to clean up my life, change my motives, and be more sincere in the way I move, So I deleted everything.