Saturday, October 27, 2007

Is your home personality a metaphor for your relationship personality?

Okay so I’m in a little Sex in the City (Carrie Bradshaw) blog mood….

So I was looking at the office this morning and thinking about all the small things that I have yet to do to make it complete. I’m also noticing all the minor nicks and dings that are already apparent in certain places. I’m wondering if I’m the only one that notices them. I think that since I was behind the scenes of the construction and saw this baby from start to finish I want it to remain as flawless as it was from day one… until PEOPLE entered the picture.

I have friends that have purchased brand new homes and others that I know, including myself who have purchased older homes and I’ve always been intrigued by the differences in their attitudes towards their homes. New homeowners go into their home with a certain expectation of “perfection” and are often disappointed by the most minor details, while purchasers of older homes go into theirs with an expectation of imperfection and an “I may have to fix it up some” mentality. So anyway, it caused me start thinking about life, specifically relationships in the same vein…..yes I’m going somewhere with this so bear with me….

In relationships, women often go in with really high expectations of perfection from a man and get disappointed when it turns out that he is flawed or can’t live up to her expectations, while men go in with a take it as it comes perspective. OR the woman comes in knowing that she has a fixer upper on her hands and rolls up hers sleeves, ready to “work with a brother”, then she gets accused of trying to change a man….it seems like she can’t win either way…so she gives up and continue to rent!

So my question to you is what is your home personality? I’ll go first….

Personally, I like the older homes, most of the time, they have more personality, been lived in before, loved by someone else before, taken a few nicks and dings, may even been a little neglected or not cared for as it should have by its previous owner, but can still be revived and become a home and be loved by someone new.

What is too much too Soon

The “Rules” of the “Game”, those trick little monsters. I admit that I have never been good at them; as a matter of fact I have always failed miserably at mastering the “game”. Can someone please tell me what the “game” even is?

The one aspect of the game that has always been the hardest for me is the rule that says we can’t share too much too soon. Or as the old timers would say, “leave something for yourself baby”! I am the worst at this! I tells it all!!! I am a communicator and a talker and I have always been, and when I meet someone that I feel is well able to handle me and my expressiveness, I am literally on cloud nine, but how much is too much? How soon is too soon to vent to the person about some of your frustrations, fears, or dare I say shortcomings? Do we refrain from telling someone about our known flaws for fear that they might judge us? Should we care?

Now don’t get me wrong I don’t walk up to complete strangers and start blabbing on about my issues nor do I air my dirty laundry on the first date, but I think that when someone knows a little more about you than what they can readily see on the surface, it allows them to get to know you a bit more AND it allows you to glean some things about them based on their reaction! Is it a test you might ask? No but let’s get real, after we’ve sized each other up and checked of must be fine on our “list”, learned about his J.O.B his education and credentials and checked off “must be gainfully employed and upwardly mobile on our list, what the hell else do we talk about to get really get down to the nitty gritty? If I know that he is afraid of failure that might foreshadow some things about his work ethic so when he turns out be a workaholic I am not too shocked. Knowing a little family history might allow me to see how he views himself in the family structure and foresee what kind of man he is in a relationship and what he defines his role to be. If he hates his mamma will he hate me? Should I run for the hills??!!!

What is most ironic to me is that people will skirt around these issues while taking their skirts off to have sex with someone that they technically don’t even know, but I digress. Have we shared enough about our sexual history? Do we know one another’s HIV status? Does this dude even want children in case the rubber comes off during our little tryst here? Dare I even go here?

I have been accused of being too much too soon, scaring the dude off by getting too deep, blah, blah, blah, but what is too deep? Isn’t S.E.X. the deepest we can get? So is it that I am too much or have I just been in the wrong context with the wrong people?

I know that there are those that feel like “well P you don’t meet everyone with the intention of getting to know them”. Some folks you just want to have sex with”. Well to that I say, “that’s a whole different topic for another day”. So I pose the question to you, what is too much too soon?