Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Honest Blogger Award

I know I'm late but I was nominated for the "honest blogger award" by (TC Golden) and per the rules I must select 7 other folks that I believe are deserving of this award. Alright, we go!

When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or more) that you find brilliant in their content or design. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional). List [if you can and or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on.

The first part is too easy! I don't have many blogs that I read often or even care to. For me it's quality over quantity. But these as well as everyone else linked on my blog speak to me in some special way...

1. Seriously?...I mean have you ever known someone that always seems to have the words to articulate exactly what you're thinking or feeling? Well that's Seriously? And she happens to be a phenomenal writer, keeps it real and does it with such finesse. I wish she could be my personal spokesperson.

2. WTF Metro...This blog is pretty much about the Washington Metropolitan Metro system but the way it's presented is brilliantly humorous. Who knew there could be so much content about one subject. I'm always laughing and nodding as I read it though!

3. Ms. Confessions..Aside from TC, one of the first blogs I ever really read and I found myself so impressed with her "it is what it is" honesty! I'm still enjoy reading her evolution.

4. Eb the Celeb...I'm sure she's received this award a million times but this post pretty much did it for me. I was like WOW, she put it right out there and I can totally relate. I don't even know her and she feels like a home girl.

5. Of course my home girl TC. I read her blog the first time I was on travel in South Africa, lonely as hell. Her blog helped me through and inspired me to dust off my own blog and start writing.

6. J.A.C...She speaks my language too and just as I'm thinking "it's just me", I read her thoughts and realize that it's not. I'm so glad that people are willing to be honest. Not to mention, her writing style is so romantic. It's so flowy and organic.

7. All-Mi-T...Dude is a genius, straight up!

Now the fun part! List [if you can and or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on.

1. I feel more lonely than usual right now, the cooler weather is sparking nostalgia for me like crazy. I can't seem to get the image of snuggling next to the fireplace with someone special out of my head.

2. My favorite sitcom of all time is Golden Girls. If that were me and my friends, I'd totally be Sophia.

3. I wish I could start this entire semester over, the instability in my life has affected my focus and grades thus far. I know it's not too late though...

4. As sweet and kind as I am, I can be as mean as a junkyard dog sometimes and my temper leaves something to be desired.

5. I've always wanted an a$$ like Serena Williams. I mean just look at it! It's not just sizable, it's also strong, toned and athletic. It's powerful.

6. I have a fetish for sequins. Such an 80's baby and an over tanned, botox filled, white Boca Raton socialite at heart.

7. If I had to choose between career success, wealth and power or being a wife and mother, I'd choose the former, especially since the ladder seems further out of my reach and control. To me, a woman almost always has to choose anyway...

8. I think about being in a relationship and having someone special in my life more than I care to admit. Yes I handle my business and manage without it, but the thought is always at the back of my mind. "When will it be me"?

9. I have a new obsession with Red Snapper and I spent two hours online the other day looking at Red Snapper recipes, when I should have been doing schoolwork.

10. Sometimes I really hate my job; not because the money is funny or the boss is overbearing but because of the politics...I know everyone corporate setting has them but geesh...I just want to do my job already. Unfortunately, due to my highly competitive nature I find myself caught up in the mayhem anyway. It's a struggle to focus on my purpose.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Divine Encouragement

Though not my words, this poem puts it all back in perspective. My mantra: Change presents opportunity. He knows exactly what He's doing.

My Journey

Moving to the beat of my universal drummer
I surrendered to my preordained path

Prayer and fasting ushered me to the consciousness
That conformity and assimilation attempted to suffocate

Service is the vehicle for my journey
Faith is my constant companion

Free will, my mightiest contender
Free will, my saving grace

Lessons from the darkness celebrated
In anticipation of spreading the light

Humbled for the opportunity
To let go and to take flight

-Belya Adero

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Young Love

Ahhh....the beauty of young love. The way it can make you feel vulnerable yet secure at the same time. You know, the kind that you dive head first into, toting your heart on your sleeve, giving of yourself with reckless abandon, living in the moment...every moment. That's the kind of love I want, again. I want that makes you fall hard and is tough to get over if you don't win, might leave you bruised and broken, even make you cry but I'd take the fall again kind of love. Some say you can only have one, I disagree, I think that this captivating, rapturous kind of love, can be had over and over again. The hard part is allowing it to happen, especially if you've ever loved and lost. Recently I've witnessed this organic kind of love, that "just happens" and it makes my heart smile. It's interesting that as soon as we try to cozy into some "I don't even want it anymore" place, things happen to melt that iciness right away.

I happened to be watching "Making the Band" randomly and they were airing an episode where Dawn from DK and Q from D26 have to be separated for tour reasons. My how it wrenched their poor little hearts to have to be apart, especially Q. I giggled and swooned at the way he referred to her as "my girl". I loved it...then I happened to see a video on FB made by an old high school friend who recently got married. The video (well actually audio) was of his proposal to his wife. They are both 27 now, 25 then. His wife's reaction to his proposal was priceless. Wow! She cried, I mean snotting up, loud, like something tragic happened, ugly sobbing...but they were tears of joy. They were the tears of a woman who was being proposed to by her King, the one she'd dreamed of, the one she wanted to marry, knew they would one day but was still shocked and ecstatic at his proposal. She was marrying her "one", not "Mr. Good Enough" or "Mr He'll do let me hurry up and make some babies cause I'm going on 30" or "Mr. He Needs to Marry Me Since We've been together X amount of years", nah...this was her "Mr. Just My Size" "Mr. Makes My Heartbeat" "Mr. Can't Be Without Him" "Mr. Still"....asking for her hand in marriage. Oh you just don't know what this does to me. I don't necessarily believe in the "One" since I've loved deeply on more than one occasion. I believe that love is whatever you allow it to be and can take you however far you're willing to go. There can be more than one person that makes you feel this oooh la la kind of way. As we grow older and go through some things, we get further and further away from this level of naivete, carelessness and we let our wisdom dictate our actions. Nothing wrong with that. But right now I am thinking about being caught up in the rapture again..Do your remember how that feels? Smiling at the mere thought of them, getting butterflies every time you're about to be near them, checking your lip gloss, wearing your best "just in case" fits....yeah...I remember and I just hope and pray that the junk, the failures, and disappointments don't EVER make me jaded. Because love is not a spectator sport and is best experienced in full contact.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Good People Still Exist

Today I pulled up to Ritas Ice Cream, thirsty to cop one last Mango Blendini before they shut it down for the season. I pulled out a card from my purse, jumped out my whip, rushed to the window and placed my order. When it was time to pay the woman, I looked down and to my horror the credit card I was holding was not mine! I was stupefied for a moment and I immediately began to imagine all the "scenarios" that could have landed someone else's credit card in my possession. Did I inadvertently steal it? Was my new tenant trying to set me up? Was one of my classmates trying to sabotage me?Am I on candid camera? Yes I know, far fetched... Once out of my haze I realized that maybe the woman at CVS somehow gave me someone else's card after my transaction earlier? Naw, because I never actually handed over my card to her.

After I went back to my car to get MY card to purchase my Blendini (I wasn't too shook to forget that), I knew I had to immediately call the card holder's bank. When I called, the rep was "surprised" that I called to report this??!! I asked "why"? The woman was like "most people would try to use it and take advantage of the situation, especially in this economy". "Not I" said I. I live (well try to) live by the law of reaping & sowing, ESPECIALLY in this economy I need all the good karma available! So I gave the chick all the info on the card so she could cancel it and left it at that thinking "I just hope someone would do that for me".

But that's not the end...I was still wondering how this could have happened, then it suddenly hit me....Darn Carrabba's carryout girl! Last night I took my greedy tail to Carrabba's and ordered some lobster ravioli and picked it up at their curbside take out. There was another party in a car next to me and the carryout girl "Julie" had given us both a bag and obviously collected our cards for payment simultaneously then disbursed the wrong cards after running them...shame on you Jules, and shame on me for not double checking my card when she handed it back, before pulling off. I was distracted by a cell phone convo at the time. Lesson learned.

So I called up Carrabba's and the other party, with obviously better memory and equally good intentions had already turned in my card. Aww....they wouldn't have gotten far with it any, LOL!<:)

Thursday, October 16, 2008


"Let me put this big girl in your life"...I've been having a recurring fantasy of being a Sugar Mama. In this fantasy I have a man that's all man but I take care of him and his only job is to be my faithful, loyal, love slave, putting it DOWN whenever and however I want it. Plus I take care of home and I'm the business so he's happy too.. "I'll gas up the Ac for him tonight and he can go wherever he likes...Maybe I'm taking that "uh uh I got it" mentality a little too far, but I really think this would be cool and fuel my need to maintain control of my independence...purely selfish I know. I do hate the notion of women always being in the "tricked on" position. Please, I can do for you, if you're worthy...

She Got Her Own (Miss Independent Remix) feat. Jamie Foxx and Fabulous - Ne-Yo


The aftermath of the termination of my boss (the CFO) has begun. We're cutting back on frivolous spending (finally!!) and folks are being held accountable for their project budgets as well as annual departmental budgets. Of course these changes present a challenge for me on my projects (no more blank checks, ha ha), but I know that this is the way the real world operates so I'm ready for it. This is actually the kind of fiscal responsibility I've been hoping to see enforced for a while...I feel like I'm finally getting some vindication for this.

Is it me or was the masseuse at the company health fair today feeling on me, I mean outside of what's necessary? I've had massages before and I don't ever recall that much contact with my a$$ cheeks! Wait a minute Mr. Masseuse!!! That maneuver that you kept doing that caused my butt to jiggle, got me wanting to find somebody worthy.

I really want to throw on a fierce fit, maybe something with that purple patent croc print clutch and hit the club or something!! I need to get out soon and I will.

I need to shake this sudden addiction to Haagen Dazs Vanilla & Almond bars, OMG!! I'm quickly going from phat to FAT, lol...okay maybe that's a bit dramatic but I need to chill. Then had the nerve to sign up for another 10k next month. I'm a glutton for punishment, clearly. I'm ready to get settled again so I can be back on track.

Speaking of which, I'm having a packing party and you're invited. I'm moving!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I'm Flying

"now watch me stand on the world as i sit in a throne and if I jump ima fly and look into the eagles eye and say I am looking like you. please don't shoot me down cause im flying, im flying, im higher "--Dwayne Carter

I did it! I got up this morning at 6am, drove to the spot and ran my second 10K (6.2 mile) race. My time was better than last time, but mostly I stuck to my goal...finish and NEVER stop running. It's funny how doing something pyhsical or mentally challenging gets me all philosophical, might sound corny but as I ran I thought, "the race of life is better approached steadily and with friends, to cheer you on and give you a nudge when you're looking a litte slow"'s okay to nudge and encourage a few perfect strangers that you meet on the course too"

Okay so that was what got me through, my "deep" thoughts. We actually had lot's of fun and it seemed to go faster than last time too. Not to mention the morning was perfect! The gazelle who won the race in the women's category finished in 32 minutes! WTF? That's like a 5 minute mile pace...I did my personal best and I'm proud of me. Now I'm sore as heck because I did not train for this race plus I've put on a few more "grown woman curves" since the last race.

Also spent time with my dolls this weekend...I love my girls and I really don't know where I'd be without them. I'm always leary of women who say they "don't like having a bunch of women around" "girls are haters" or they "only have male friends"..huh?...naw, I need mine!


All boys are not the same...and sometimes we girls do things too...

It's funny how the things we think are "innocent" really hurt the ones we love. "Oh he/she's just a friend". Really? Sometimes you have to ask yourself "what if they did this to me"? There's also some that I've misled, lied to or "used" to get over.

Engaged in a "confessions" session with my best girl over the weekend. It's not just men that have indiscretions and we all have little things that we do that might not be kosher, or might be considered a violation to our partner. Wow, this "relationship" thing is hard work. No one can be everything to their partners and most of the time, the problems begin when people stop talking. I've never been the kind to cheat but women have needs too...sometimes we "live a lie" to get by, to fulfill some part of those needs...

Thursday, October 9, 2008


I watched you enjoying the band, cool, confident with an air of mystery about you, no entourage in sight, just you. I thought to myself, “I. Like. That. Man”. I struggled to juggle the business in front of me while maintaining my gaze on you...

I kept replaying her words in my head "don't take yourself out the game P". But I just don't know. I can't keep putting myself out there like that.

He phoned and said, "I just called to tell you that you're beautiful" My initial thought was how melodic those word would be, if he was someone else...I quickly thanked him before it became obvious.

I received that text requesting my "Christmas wish list". Normally I'd decline and cling to my "independence" but instead I shot off a brief list. Perhaps I'll receive the Chloe perfume, tea set or the Audemars watch, LOL!. <:) Either way, I'm sure I called your bluff. You think you know me, but you have no idea.

The occurrence On.The.Job confirmed once again that NO ONE IS INDISPENSABLE...I WILL step my game up and seize whatever opportunities are presented. The time is now.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Based on a True Story

Names and some details have been changed to protect the innocent.

Dear "Ab/Abby",

Sorry about the mass e-mail but I really need your guidance. So as you all know by now that “old dad” and I broke up about a month ago. Well before we broke up I met a new boy at my favorite new bar. He is very nice, very cute, TONS OF FUN and 21 YEARS OLD. So I just had fun with the kid and didn't think anything of it. Well, when “Mr. 21” found out that “old dad” and I were broken up the whole dynamic changes and he starts telling me how much he likes me and how he wants to take me out and he is ready to marry me and blahh blahh blahh. So of course I just laugh it off especially since most of the times we are having these discussions we are both pretty intoxicated. Well this last weekend he asked me to the Marine Ball and once again I laughed it off. So he said he was going to take me out to dinner and ask me while he is sober. So I just got a text from him asking when he can take me to dinner so he can ask me to the ball. YOU GUYS HE IS 21!!!! I could potentially be his MOTHER and I really DON'T want to hurt his feelings. I really like him and he is lots of fun. Not to mention, he is oh so good for my EGO right now but I told him that I’m just having a good time, while he’s suddenly getting serious.

What should I do?


Would love to hear from the fellas on this one too...

Just for Fun

Okay Ursh...Everything in this makes me blush and grin...dang!

Amazing Acrobatics!

I believe that my life would be much more exciting in a variety of ways if I could perform some of the physical maneuvers featured in the following video, especially the chair split...Wowsers...yes indeed!! Off to practice...


Thanks to Eb for inspiring this...

I am not: always always who I expect to be
I hear: Lisa McClendon's "About Your Love for Me"
I regret: NOTHING; I did the best I could
I care: what other people think more than I should
I always: put those I love before myself
I long to: have something meaningful and reciprocal, just once....
I feel alone: at night
I hide: my deepest darkest secrets and fears
I drive: way too fast
I sing: because I want to
I dance: because I can
I write: for release
I breathe: by God's grace
I play: music almost all the time
I miss: the mother I never knew
I search: for purpose in everything
I say: too many curse words at times
I feel: good about myself
I succeed: by taking leaps of faith and giving my best
I fail: when I don't follow my instincts or ask for help when I need it
I dream: of having it ALL
I sleep: less than I should or would like to (night owl)
I wonder: what my next BIG thing will be
I want: to take another vacation
I worry: that I will forget all that I've studied and fail my math exam
I have: paranoia about being broke
I give: all I have to those I love
I fight: for what I want, sometimes to futility
I am: Ms. Independent
I can’t: wait for my blessing that's on the way
I stay: up too late most nights
I will: run a marathon in the next two years
I can: be way too serious at times
I would: backpack through Africa if there wasn't so much unfinished business
I might: backpack through Africa anyway
I like: the way he walks, umph...LOL!<:)
I love: with everything that's in me
I smile: when I think of how goofy we were
I frown: when I'm in deep thought

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Joy Ride

I contemplated the thought as I tried to fall asleep last night…so excited, I couldn't’t wait until this morning; like a kid on Christmas Eve, I barely slept.

I jumped up this morning, full of anxiety as I placed that call; I counted the rings and waited for you to answer. I was relieved that it was your voice and not the voicemail on the other end of the phone and elated at your response to the simple question I posed.

There I sat, waiting for you, so excited, feeling a rush from the thought of you being next to me, in just a little while longer. I sat there a love feen, beaming, on the edge of my seat like you were coming to deliver a million dollars in cold hard cash to me. I must’ve caught whiplash from the number of times I turned to look at the oncoming cars on either side of me, eager to see yours approach.

Finally, there you were, like a climactic end to a bomb session. My pupils danced as they took you in. You climbed aboard and your ambrosial fragrance filled my ride. I sat there in a crescendo of emotion, trying to play it cool, like the butterflies weren’t doing the electric slide in my tummy. Every now and then I'd sneak a glance at you mouthing the words to the soundtrack of my romance. I’d giggle or accidentally "think out loud" and give some random excuse for my silly outbursts. Truthfully, I was bursting with glee that you were there to ride shot gun in my fantasy.

I savored every second, and was delighted by every turn. The high speeds excited me and I enjoyed the slow motion too. I let me eyes linger on you as you climbed out, wondering when you’d next be a passenger in my joy ride.