I have not been blogging that much recently...because I have been busy for one, I have not really felt like it, and I've been talking to my circle instead of airing my thoughts here. But sometimes I realize that I am such an oxymoron because I resent my "heart on my sleeve" ways and hate the fact that I am such an open book. I wish I could be a little more mysterious, lol...but I guess I am who I am...if you don't love me, somebody else will..
The narcissistic part of me that needs to see some shit with my own eyes before it's real to me (so sad, I know) wants to go to this thing this weekend and even feel some pain from whatever I might be confronted with and move on from there...but I can't say that what I feel would change from that. It most likely wouldn't.
Today is the one year anniversary of the first date. As much fault finding I tired to do, I was gone from date 1. If the information received on date 2 didn't deter me, nothing else would. So one year later, here I sit and I reminisce over you; about the patient way you were with me, in helping me do stuff, tutoring me, listening to me vent about random shit, letting me vent about you to you, LOL!, waiting for me to become ready and then sexing me passionately when I was, the neat (much better than mine) penmanship you have, the cool intense thing you do with your eyes whenever I would go off and you'd just watch me with a half serious have smirk look on your face, to how domesticated you make me want to be, to the memory of you folding clothes as I did my own thing, to you pulling me off the couch to dance with me to a slow groove that came on the radio the first time we chilled at your place, to the thoughts of you that I have every time I hear certain songs by your favorite artists, the way you went out of your way to cater to my picky eating habits...okay I'm done. LOL!
So I started locking my hair like two months ago. By now I expected to have re-nigged on the deal, but I am so anxious to follow through with it. I am very committed to the process. I am shocked at myself for real, but I hope this shows that I've grown in some ways from always having to change my hairstyle (drastically) every other minute to feel right. Like my hair is in more often than not, in some stage of unneatness right now and I am so okay with that. I am just looking forward to the day when I'll have long mature locks that fall into my face, swing sexily over my breasts and have to be brushed aside by my lover as he reaches in for a kiss...leave it to me to romanticize some damn locks!! Yeah I'm hopeless, but there is still hope for me yet...
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5 comments:
I think its just a moment in time, sometimes, because we feel like we NEED that final closure you want to "see" it...that's natural, but you have got to figure out if that need is more important that truly protecting yourself and moving forward...
i honestly want to cut ALL of my hair off and rock a mini fro and lock my hair...let's see if I am that brave come this winter...honestly it may honestly be that i am waiting for my parents to move so my father will be out of sight and out of mind when i do it, right now i know it would hurt him to much...
you are totally gonna make it P
I'm about to make you my natural hair muse....this is totally a journey...
Thanks for sharing about your thoughts about lover too :-)
we should all be domesticated for ourselves
and hats off to phyllis wheatly on this day
Hey...sometimes we all need that last bit of visual info to solidify whatever it is in my minds. Our hearts just like to drag their feet in catching up. And from the 1 yr anniversary paragraph, that's a significant connection to get over. But, THEY say that time heals all wounds... (I'm still trying to find this "they" that has all these great cliches that are supposed to make us feel better!) :)
I think that seeing what you already know is going on us only going to cause you unnecessary pain. The truth is*; you have known this wonderful guy for a year yet he has not chosen to take that step with you. After all you're still the same person you were a year ago. Pi have expressed your feelings to him and he has still chosen to leave your friendship where it stands. When we choose our mate, we are choosing them based upon our standards but when God chooses our mate he chooses them based upon his standards. Now, ask yourself if the two of you are equally yolked. This man seems to have a lot in common with you. Does he gave the same spiritual and moral beliefs as you. You shouldn't have to question it. I do believe in season, reason, and lifetime. You should be a priority and not an option. Keep your head up!
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