Right now I'm back in PA for work (doing some IT PR), which has been totally the opposite of boring lately. Ask you and shall receive...
I'm prepping for final exams, finalizing projects and darn near ready to pull my locks out. I just have a few more weeks to grind it out then I can shut it down from the 22nd until the New Year. I can't wait until it's over so I can relax with my girls in Florida. But it's cool, I've got this!!! Friday night I'm going to the company holiday party. I plan to have a blast and dazzle them with my dancing skills, plus they OWE me a drink...or two!
Be right back...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Arrggghhhhhh!!!! Fender Bender
I got up this morning feeling so, so...mostly wanted to stay in bed. But I had a conference call with South Africa that I had to join at 5:30am. I really wanted to get on the train but after all the chatting, about the same old business, I realized that I'd missed all the trains leaving during the 6:00am hour...so I tried for the 7:07, realized that I was missing that one as I drove to the station. I could’ve made the 7:22, but no parking was left available for me...so I give in to driving. I'm going along my merry little way, when suddenly BAM!!! She rear ends my car. It took me a moment to realize that I'd been hit. THANK GOD everyone is ok and it's not my fault so I just need to deal with her insurance company. We both filed claims right there on the spot, no sore necks or attitudes. I've only been in one car accident and that was almost 10 years ago...AGAIN THANK GOD, all bodies are in tact...the body of my car, is another story. It wasn’t until I got to work that I realized that my bumper is falling off. I'm slightly irritated (thinking of having to take time off work with all that I have going on) but I'm grateful. I have to just handle my business. I just pray that there're no unnecessary hassles in this process. God is good, all the time!!
Have a great day.
Have a great day.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Lonely's Company
I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely --Beyonce
It hits me like a wind gust every evening as I leave my office
Once my day is complete and it's time to tuck the power player away, and put the business woman on the shelf, I head out the door, and the moment I exit...he's waiting there, to greet me into the cold.
As I drive along the highway, listening to radio tunes (half drowned out by my own thoughts), he's the constant passenger in my ride...Once I finally make it to the house, insert the key into the lock and enter my door, he welcomes me there too, like an unwanted intruder, that's made himself at home.
As I jog, as I write, as I shop, even as I sit in my classes, trying to remain engaged...lonely is my constant companion and my faithful friend....I am tired of lonely, I've been trying to fight this feeling he brings...but the harder I fight the easier I succumb, the longer I resist, the more he persists, he refuses to disappear.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm better than this. But who am I to believe I'm exempt from this place of neediness? How self righteous of me to pretend that I'm above this...constant nagging of "why am I still single"?..."why have I not been chosen yet"? "When will it be me"? Yeah I'm feeling it and I'm finally ready to admit...I'm scared of lonely.
Do I love my family, of course! Do I adore my girlfriends, heck yes! But there's something about this void, that can't be filled entirely by them. Jimmy Choo and Christian Louboutin could only temporarily comfort me...and even as I shopped, I was trapped in my thoughts; "it would be so nice to wear these on a date with my boo"...how sad, huh? Yeah, it’s almost laughable.
The last thing I wanted to do after that horrendous ride on the Amtrak , was to come home and be...alone...I closed my eyes and dreamt of escaping the cold right into his arms and curling myself into a tight little ball next to him and just breathing him in...letting the cold, frustration and weariness melt away.
But that's simply not my reality..so each day I shake myself off, put lonely in his place and do what I need to do. All along I think and think and think....and I realize that my safest refuge from lonely is being alone...to ponder and dream, and fantasize about him. I've created a world where lonely is not so scary after all...in my thoughts.
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely --Beyonce
It hits me like a wind gust every evening as I leave my office
Once my day is complete and it's time to tuck the power player away, and put the business woman on the shelf, I head out the door, and the moment I exit...he's waiting there, to greet me into the cold.
As I drive along the highway, listening to radio tunes (half drowned out by my own thoughts), he's the constant passenger in my ride...Once I finally make it to the house, insert the key into the lock and enter my door, he welcomes me there too, like an unwanted intruder, that's made himself at home.
As I jog, as I write, as I shop, even as I sit in my classes, trying to remain engaged...lonely is my constant companion and my faithful friend....I am tired of lonely, I've been trying to fight this feeling he brings...but the harder I fight the easier I succumb, the longer I resist, the more he persists, he refuses to disappear.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm better than this. But who am I to believe I'm exempt from this place of neediness? How self righteous of me to pretend that I'm above this...constant nagging of "why am I still single"?..."why have I not been chosen yet"? "When will it be me"? Yeah I'm feeling it and I'm finally ready to admit...I'm scared of lonely.
Do I love my family, of course! Do I adore my girlfriends, heck yes! But there's something about this void, that can't be filled entirely by them. Jimmy Choo and Christian Louboutin could only temporarily comfort me...and even as I shopped, I was trapped in my thoughts; "it would be so nice to wear these on a date with my boo"...how sad, huh? Yeah, it’s almost laughable.
The last thing I wanted to do after that horrendous ride on the Amtrak , was to come home and be...alone...I closed my eyes and dreamt of escaping the cold right into his arms and curling myself into a tight little ball next to him and just breathing him in...letting the cold, frustration and weariness melt away.
But that's simply not my reality..so each day I shake myself off, put lonely in his place and do what I need to do. All along I think and think and think....and I realize that my safest refuge from lonely is being alone...to ponder and dream, and fantasize about him. I've created a world where lonely is not so scary after all...in my thoughts.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy non Turkey Day!
I'm writing this from Rocky Mount, NC. I am so not a country girl, but there is a peace and solace that I find here. This is an opportunity to sleep and relax and enjoy my fam. My God Mother is threatening my plans to lay low with shopping trip to Raleigh...at (gasp) 5:00am!! No thanks, I'll pass, ok maybe not pass, just go a little later than 5:am, LOL. I need these two days of R&R like I need my next breath, Life has been hectic, work has been busy on steroids and I still have the crack berry queued up, awaiting some updates from IT over the weekend..
During my ride here (on Amtrak) I was reminded of some of the BS that some men offer up for sale at every turn. My morning started off with a rude awakening from my neighbor upstairs (sigh...trying not to be a diva) then quickly turned beautiful, blissful even, and I was ready to ride that wave all the way to North Cakalak...until some goon comes up to me and tries to help himself to a swig of my hot chocolate as his ice breaker into my cipher..why do people just lie? First you said you don't drink, then you proceed to down two Heinekens and the Vodka that you brought on the train with you and I'm supposed to believe you don't have a drinking problem? Okay player...You have "mad drunk who gets high and angry..even violent" written all over you buddy...nah, I'm not single, “I have a friend”. Sorry I had to feed you that little white lie, but I had to escape, fast. Anyway Happy Thanksgiving or non Turkey Day for us vegetarians....
During my ride here (on Amtrak) I was reminded of some of the BS that some men offer up for sale at every turn. My morning started off with a rude awakening from my neighbor upstairs (sigh...trying not to be a diva) then quickly turned beautiful, blissful even, and I was ready to ride that wave all the way to North Cakalak...until some goon comes up to me and tries to help himself to a swig of my hot chocolate as his ice breaker into my cipher..why do people just lie? First you said you don't drink, then you proceed to down two Heinekens and the Vodka that you brought on the train with you and I'm supposed to believe you don't have a drinking problem? Okay player...You have "mad drunk who gets high and angry..even violent" written all over you buddy...nah, I'm not single, “I have a friend”. Sorry I had to feed you that little white lie, but I had to escape, fast. Anyway Happy Thanksgiving or non Turkey Day for us vegetarians....
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Life in Charm City
Baltimore really is a great city. I had all the proper ammunition to hate it (can you say the The Wire?), but honesty, I love it...okay I'm liking it a whole, whole lot and it's quickly turning into a love thing. There's something in the way the lights reflect off the cityscape as I emerge over the bridge at night that's just magical. I walk around with a lingering sense of real possibility and potential here. Tonight I even had one of "Baltimore's Finest" assist me in picking out wine. A wine connoisseur posing as a police officer? I love it! I must confess, I'm charmed.....
The apartment lifestyle is taking some getting used to. I traded in my cozy nest in the woods for the city life, and the crickets “cricking” for the loud thumping of my upstairs neighbor’s walk. I understand that it’s part of the scene but I haven't been so keenly aware of another person's presence in so long that it was a bit disconcerting at first. I was even chastised for being a "diva" about it so I've decided to adjust my attitude. CLEARLY I could do without the “Thong Song” house mix above my head at 7 in the morning, but I’m trying to be neighborly.
I’ve not had that many visitors but the ones that have graced me with their presence have been pleasant surprises and helped to create an atmosphere of love and warmth in my new space. There’s nothing like having the aura of those you cherish around to cozy up a place. I can’t think of a better housewarming present.
Work has been crazy..Even as I type this I'm borrowing time from some work that I brought home to complete. I went from a teasing sprinkle of work to a deluge (to borrow from my girl Seriously) in the blink of an eye. It’s brought new meaning to “ask and you shall receive”. I went from half bored to crazied…I know, I’m just making up the words as I go along…. The interesting and some might argue crazy part is that I love it! This is my element! The back to back conference calls, meetings, the added responsibilities all contribute to a sense of purpose (not as in my job is my purpose in life), productivity, and accomplishment on the job that's literally a high for me . I feel powerful and in control. Of course one of my "matter of fact" style friends says that I'm merely over compensating for a lack of a personal life. Whatever…
Speaking of which, the other day I checked out Towson Town Center (lovely place) then ordered take out from my favorite restaurant in the whole world. As I waited for the food I declared to myself that I would "be more open to dating again" and "put myself in a position to meet men"....only to shy away from the first man who approached me...lol. I'm just not ready. I want to hold out for something real, someone who's worthy of me. A suitor that’s husband material. A man that makes me want to swagger jag him. I've never been the type of girl that just goes out with random men. I honestly don’t care to juggle or entertain men that don't captivate my imagination of a happy brown family. I'm done with wasting time.
The holiday season is upon us and for me that means, traveling and stepping into the party life. I’m looking forward to both and plan to enjoy my time here in Charm City. Now back to my regularly scheduled program, Excel functions!! Yaayy!!!..not.
The apartment lifestyle is taking some getting used to. I traded in my cozy nest in the woods for the city life, and the crickets “cricking” for the loud thumping of my upstairs neighbor’s walk. I understand that it’s part of the scene but I haven't been so keenly aware of another person's presence in so long that it was a bit disconcerting at first. I was even chastised for being a "diva" about it so I've decided to adjust my attitude. CLEARLY I could do without the “Thong Song” house mix above my head at 7 in the morning, but I’m trying to be neighborly.
I’ve not had that many visitors but the ones that have graced me with their presence have been pleasant surprises and helped to create an atmosphere of love and warmth in my new space. There’s nothing like having the aura of those you cherish around to cozy up a place. I can’t think of a better housewarming present.
Work has been crazy..Even as I type this I'm borrowing time from some work that I brought home to complete. I went from a teasing sprinkle of work to a deluge (to borrow from my girl Seriously) in the blink of an eye. It’s brought new meaning to “ask and you shall receive”. I went from half bored to crazied…I know, I’m just making up the words as I go along…. The interesting and some might argue crazy part is that I love it! This is my element! The back to back conference calls, meetings, the added responsibilities all contribute to a sense of purpose (not as in my job is my purpose in life), productivity, and accomplishment on the job that's literally a high for me . I feel powerful and in control. Of course one of my "matter of fact" style friends says that I'm merely over compensating for a lack of a personal life. Whatever…
Speaking of which, the other day I checked out Towson Town Center (lovely place) then ordered take out from my favorite restaurant in the whole world. As I waited for the food I declared to myself that I would "be more open to dating again" and "put myself in a position to meet men"....only to shy away from the first man who approached me...lol. I'm just not ready. I want to hold out for something real, someone who's worthy of me. A suitor that’s husband material. A man that makes me want to swagger jag him. I've never been the type of girl that just goes out with random men. I honestly don’t care to juggle or entertain men that don't captivate my imagination of a happy brown family. I'm done with wasting time.
The holiday season is upon us and for me that means, traveling and stepping into the party life. I’m looking forward to both and plan to enjoy my time here in Charm City. Now back to my regularly scheduled program, Excel functions!! Yaayy!!!..not.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
My Thoughts on Obama....
1. Since his emergence and especially after he captured the Democratic nomination, I never once doubted that Barack Obama would become our next President, never. Not even with all the ploys of the GOP, I just knew it and my spirit would not waver.
2. I'm cautious not to deify Obama or any man for that matter, but I just felt that this was divine, in that it was time, a natural progression even. I can't honestly say that I never thought I'd see a black President or even a woman President in my lifetime, especially since I have a lot of life yet to live...but then again I have been known to be very idealistic and hopelessly optimistic. In my mind ANYTHING is/has always been possible. I'm glad that it's happening sooner than later though. And I'm ecstatic that this can raise the black man's (global) morale, and give the babies an alternate role model. However, we see him, it will behoove all of us to recognize and understand that after the brief honeymoon, the real work begins and it's not always going to be roses, high fiving and bottle popping.
3. My favorite part of Barack Obama's ascension is the way it's energized the entire world, especially since the face of the globe overwhelmingly resembles his. I love it, I wish I was in Africa right now to celebrate this with them.
4. The newspaper shortage in the DC area (and other major cities) is one of the most curious things I've ever witnessed. Even more curious is the fact that newspapers were in abundance when I arrived in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania very late on Tuesday night and even into Wednesday morning..LOL! I tried to collect as many as my bag could carry.
5. I heard a guest on Bill O'Reily's show say today that "Obama caused gay people in California their right to marry" because so many black people came out to vote for him yet voted against gay marriage in California. He adds (paraphrased) that "Black people are liberal and want social programs but are culturally conservative when it comes to socially progressive issues". Wow! My question about this statement is this: If 2 out 3 voters under 30 (black, white et al) voted for Obama, does that mean that the majority of black voters over 30 in California are opposed to gay marriage? ....Clearly black people are not the only voters that affected this outcome. They finally admitted that Hispanics also opposed it by a small margin and whites voters approved it only by a small margin. I just hated the way they tried to put that on Obama. I watch this man's show with my hands over my eyes, peeking through my fingers. What a train wreck!
6. Everyone already knows how I feel about ...Michelle Obama
7. Seeing this gorgeous first family makes me want to run out, become the wife of somebody worthy and make some beautiful brown babies.
8. To me, the highlight of Obama's message is the call for personal responsibility. At the end of the day, this will make all the difference.
9. One more thing about Barack Obama, there are still a lot of people in this country that are very unhappy about his election. It's difficult for some people to even say the words "President elect" and "Obama" and unfortunately these people are not going to let their disdain go easily....along with praying for Obama, please say a few for the hearts of his haters.
2. I'm cautious not to deify Obama or any man for that matter, but I just felt that this was divine, in that it was time, a natural progression even. I can't honestly say that I never thought I'd see a black President or even a woman President in my lifetime, especially since I have a lot of life yet to live...but then again I have been known to be very idealistic and hopelessly optimistic. In my mind ANYTHING is/has always been possible. I'm glad that it's happening sooner than later though. And I'm ecstatic that this can raise the black man's (global) morale, and give the babies an alternate role model. However, we see him, it will behoove all of us to recognize and understand that after the brief honeymoon, the real work begins and it's not always going to be roses, high fiving and bottle popping.
3. My favorite part of Barack Obama's ascension is the way it's energized the entire world, especially since the face of the globe overwhelmingly resembles his. I love it, I wish I was in Africa right now to celebrate this with them.
4. The newspaper shortage in the DC area (and other major cities) is one of the most curious things I've ever witnessed. Even more curious is the fact that newspapers were in abundance when I arrived in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania very late on Tuesday night and even into Wednesday morning..LOL! I tried to collect as many as my bag could carry.
5. I heard a guest on Bill O'Reily's show say today that "Obama caused gay people in California their right to marry" because so many black people came out to vote for him yet voted against gay marriage in California. He adds (paraphrased) that "Black people are liberal and want social programs but are culturally conservative when it comes to socially progressive issues". Wow! My question about this statement is this: If 2 out 3 voters under 30 (black, white et al) voted for Obama, does that mean that the majority of black voters over 30 in California are opposed to gay marriage? ....Clearly black people are not the only voters that affected this outcome. They finally admitted that Hispanics also opposed it by a small margin and whites voters approved it only by a small margin. I just hated the way they tried to put that on Obama. I watch this man's show with my hands over my eyes, peeking through my fingers. What a train wreck!
6. Everyone already knows how I feel about ...Michelle Obama
7. Seeing this gorgeous first family makes me want to run out, become the wife of somebody worthy and make some beautiful brown babies.
8. To me, the highlight of Obama's message is the call for personal responsibility. At the end of the day, this will make all the difference.
9. One more thing about Barack Obama, there are still a lot of people in this country that are very unhappy about his election. It's difficult for some people to even say the words "President elect" and "Obama" and unfortunately these people are not going to let their disdain go easily....along with praying for Obama, please say a few for the hearts of his haters.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Love Exposed
Why is it that love, like dope gets you high
Then leaves you graveling with withdrawal pains in the loneliness of the night
How is that love makes you blind to the truth,
Ignoring all the signs and omens that are right in front of you
What gives us the audacity to believe that we could be one of love’s chosen few, only to realize that love is never even about you
How can love become so twisted
Like an illusion that never really existed
What makes the heart believe in something that it can’t control, yet tries to hold when it’s time to let go
Where can you hide when love is seeking you
How do you cope when it leaves
The complexities of love are only a match for its mysteries.
It eludes the smartest of us yet convinces us that it’s something we need.
Its allure draws you in and compels you to hold on, even though your heart can’t take the pain anymore.
Simply put, love is a situation so deep that it defies good reason.
It holds you captive yet sets you free.
It’s never perfect and you can’t always keep it together.
But once you’ve loved, love is always forever.
-PBA
Then leaves you graveling with withdrawal pains in the loneliness of the night
How is that love makes you blind to the truth,
Ignoring all the signs and omens that are right in front of you
What gives us the audacity to believe that we could be one of love’s chosen few, only to realize that love is never even about you
How can love become so twisted
Like an illusion that never really existed
What makes the heart believe in something that it can’t control, yet tries to hold when it’s time to let go
Where can you hide when love is seeking you
How do you cope when it leaves
The complexities of love are only a match for its mysteries.
It eludes the smartest of us yet convinces us that it’s something we need.
Its allure draws you in and compels you to hold on, even though your heart can’t take the pain anymore.
Simply put, love is a situation so deep that it defies good reason.
It holds you captive yet sets you free.
It’s never perfect and you can’t always keep it together.
But once you’ve loved, love is always forever.
-PBA
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