Cleaning Out My Closet

It looks like I might be here for a minute. But I'm not going to fight it. I've tried and that does not work for me. Ima just go with it, flow with it, and let things fade organically. I know it will because for me, love is forever, but being in love has to be nurtured.

There is a part of me that is still waiting on that moment, when you'll chase me down and say "let's take a chance together" it hurts that you won't, maybe it's just my pride, my bruised ego, just plain unrequited love? I'm not even going to sit and wish for a "maybe someday" because that's not living in the moment. That's holding on to something too intangible for a even a dreamer like myself. For now, here are my truths:

I am in love with you.
I miss you, me "us".
I miss our fun, interaction and chemistry.
I know that you love me. You are just not able/willing to love me the way I desire, require and deserve.
I don't miss feeling the pain I felt as soon as I would leave your side.
At times the pain would be present while we were together.
I've been told that love is not supposed to hurt so I need something better.
I made some choices so I take responsibility for them, and my subsequent actions.
I desire to be with you.
I think about you everyday.
Each day gets easier and it's okay to allow myself to get over you.
It does not mean that my love is not genuine.
You've touched the woman that I am today, the one that's evolved to the place I stand now. See I never got why this [love for you] hit me so hard, fast and refuses to go away, now I do.
I have learned a lot from you and about me through all of this.
I will never make this same mistake again.
I will really try and work hard not to.
I am strong.
I will be okay without indulging in my desire for you.
I will not let fear or loneliness make me weak.
I am not able to be your "friend" right now.
I will not apologize or feel petty for that.
That's just me being real honest.
I will never be mean/rude to you if I happen to see you though.
That is not my style and our relationship does not warrant that.
I will most likely smile at you, possibly even hug you.
I will be genuinely happy to see you. Because most of the time when I run into, I'm half hoping that I do.
I still picture us [together] in Accra, Kumasi, Maputo, Dar es Salaam, the Serengeti...the places we talked about.
I still plan to vist all these places. I must go on, and I will.

Today I feel like I was tested again. The hopeless romantic in me was screaming "it must be fate, we belong together after all". The real truth is probably more of that..a probability that I would and will continue to see you randomly. The gift and a curse?

I got angry and irritate that you seemed indifferent towards me, like you're already so over me and not missing me [you always have that smirk on your face like you're laughing at me] and I was unable to tell you softly how I felt, so I did what I do best, start some ish...that's the part I am sorry for. You don't deserve that.

I wish you well.