I went to "The Park" in DC over the weekend with some of my girlfriends. It was a cool, diverse atmosphere and there were lots of men in the spot. I made eye contact with several and even had a brief conversation with two. Yet, no deal (contact details exchanged) was closed as a result of any of the encounters, what gives? I believe that I'm an attractive woman and I've never had a problem attracting men in the past. I know that it's a new millennium and women are encouraged to make the first move, show interest, blah, blah, blah but when you're talking about baselining (borrowed term from (SBM) or setting the precedence/tone for a potential relationship, booking (a back in the day DC slang) a man is huge a NO NO!! Maybe I’m just a bit old fashioned too? I’d cop to that.
In my humble opinion, men have become lazy from so many women offering their number, details, (a$$ on a platter) without provocation, and I can't stand to put myself out there like that. Here I am smiling, begin polite, modeling my best "non angry, approachable black woman stance, yet that's not enough anymore? To me baselining begins with the first encounter, especially for a woman. If I’m too forward, will he think I’m only interested in sex? Will he think I’m pressed?
I think that if I show more interest from the gate, that'll be the expectation that I set for the future. If I get his number, I’ll need to call him first, maybe even invite him out first? At what point would I be able to pass him the ball and fall back? It just doesn’t feel natural!
Any thoughts?
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6 comments:
Honestly, I agree with you. Women shouldn't need to be more forward than eye contact and a smile. Real forward women are always "fun", but they aren't to be taken seriously. It's nice to feel super wanted and just have the p* handed to you, but something about it all feels unnatural. This is not to say that we want things to be hard for no apparent reason. That is just annoying to extent.
I think that a club or club type venue is the problem. Wall to wall beautiful women can be a bit overwhelming to men at times and we tend to have a club induced isolated case of A.D.D. We may approach and talk to a female but before we can close the deal, our focus and attention is the other 50-100 females in their newly purchased outfits. Now just because numbers are exchanged, you've danced to Rockin' that Thang, or the man has bought the woman a drink doesn't mean that the deal has been sealed. Women accept or turn down several phone numbers per outing, dance with several men, and probably drank top shelf on the mens' dime all night. So a man has to somehow make his presence felt and imprint a significant impression in the mind of that woman. That, I believe, takes some time; time thats usually not afforded in a club atmosphere. Now when I think back to the women that I have dealt with, most of the higher calibur women were acquainted by shear happenstance...not the club! Now thats not to say that you can't meet someone nice in a club; it's just that I don't believe that you can accurately foresee the content of the individual. Its difficult to be special in a club. The funny thing is that I may not have had a chance with these so-called "higher calibur women" if I had met them in the club.
Man..were do I began. I have been away from the single scene for so long it is carzy. But to be honest there are alot of factors involved. It is too much of a crap shoot to try and figure out. The only soltion I can come up with is if it didnt happen it wasnt suppose to. Everything happens(or doesnt happen) for a reason. Personally I would have a problem with a women being the aggresser. Way out of my comfort zone. Then again I would have a problem if I had to put in too much work at the club. I will say this...I never looked for Mrs. Right up in the club or even a prospect. I always looked for the "one nighters". So from my point of view...maybe you did not seem like what they wanted aka "one nighter"...which goes back to my point earlier if it didnt happen it wasnt suppose to. I am probably all over the place with this comment but I think you get my drift....ya digg.
Offer my contact details to a young man that I'm casually chatting with at a bookstore? Maybe, stong emphasis on the maybe, lol!
Volunteer my number to a random dude in a club? Not so much.
azz on a platter - and lazy not so lol
i can't do it either Gem...i had this conversation at one of Mikesee's events last fall...with some homeboys from high school...and they were like just go up and talk to a dude ask him out because guys are just as nervous as women...ummm i hear you but NO...not me, still a prude at heart and i am really okay with that
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