Emotions

They're like drugs, emotions. And like drugs, can be overcome. Also like a drug, once addicted, the potential for relapse is always looming, like a dark cloud, threatening a sudden burst of storms. What separates the women, from the little girls, the wise from the foolish, is the ability to control ones emotions and make decisions in spite of them, to spite them even. This is how you grow. I've given in to my emotions more often than not and to my own emotional detriment. How ironic.

Today I'm being threatened by a sudden cloud burst, I'm about to get soaked if I'm not careful. I need to run for cover. That little voice is whispering in my ear, "there's a chance that things could change". That vision of him coming around and saying, "I've had an epiphany a revelation even, and you're my love, you're my everything"...[that smile, that face...ahhh] is fresh and sudden like Monday morning's snow storm in my head...I wish he would come and fix this, make it all better, make me feel nice. BUT Alas, he won't. I wish I could be more like some other women I know, like TC or Bunz..when it comes to this love thing. I'm not strong. At least I don't feel strong. I talk a lot of $hhhh, but can I back it up? I feel the weakness creeping in. God help your daughter.

I WILL FOCUS on something else. I'm only writing this because sometimes you've got to help yourself by putting things in black and white, put them in perspective. I admit. I am struggling today. I struggled yesterday. I felt it coming on Monday. But If I'd made these hard choices sooner, I would not be here today. They're here and they are raw but I am the sum of my choices and NOT my emotions.