Overcoming Pain through Words

I had a conversation today that turned into a pretty deep discussion about some heavy stuff that's happened to me in the past. The way that the conversation transitioned to this deep place was so organic that I was able to express myself freely without reservation. At one point in the conversation, he asked me why we'd never discussed this stuff before and I simply replied that it just never really came up.

He also made some comments that really stuck with me and provoked me to think a little more about when you really know if you are over a deep hurt or if we can ever truly get over something like being physically, verbally or sexually abused? I wonder? He said to me "you speak so calmly about this stuff". I do because I realize that every time I speak on it, whether in its entirety or in part, I become empowered. I release any residual pain through the words that I use to share my story with a trusted friend. Yes, I am also able to speak freely on it because I trust him and I know that he cares.

Human beings are very resilient and we often give ourselves less credit for our strength. I mentioned to him that I never really mourned over the things that happened to me, because I simply did not have the time back then. I had to get on my grind to make it and that was and has remained my focus.

To me what I do with the power I've gained from becoming unafraid to share my pain is what matters now. Am I saying that I should air all my business in the street? NO! But I am saying that I will never again feel ashamed of things that happened to me when I was unable to defend myself or words that were said to me when I was not wise enough to know that the devil is a liar. Other people have always told me "Gem you are so strong" and though I believed them I often focused on my weaknesses instead of really acknowledging my strength.

Weather I am completely healed of the wounds of my past remains to be seen. I admit that I work hard at earning people’s acceptance and love because I was once told that I was “unlovable”. I remind myself daily that I am a gem and all I really need to do is relax and let them recognize it too. I know that I am really hard on myself and I get frustrated easily at my imperfections because I was once told that I would “never be anything”. When the fact is that I am flawed and I will never be perfect but my imperfections give me character and make me beautiful. I no longer need to prove the naysayers wrong because I know who I am and frankly, if they saw all that I’ve become, they’d weep. These are things that I am recognizing and continuing to work on.

I want to share my (past) pain not only to bolster my own strength, but to strengthen others and to be a safe zone for those that are still haunted by their past and finding it difficult to progress because of it.

To me this is the only we reason why we survive the things that don’t "kill us".